30 years...

Time for me to review my life thus far...

This is merely a time of reflection...

I was raised up well by a kind and compassionate mother.
She taught me well:
All life is sacred
Everyone and everything should be respected
If anything is worth having, it is worth working for
Everyone deserves a second chance, for we all make mistakes

She protected me, so much so that I can be rather socially akward.

I never really got out into the world, never really made much of a mark for myself.
Sure I founded DWS and TNSC, and got into the Furry Fandom, but other than that, I really am not worth all that much.

I have made strides, and alays try to learn, grow, and become better from my mistakes.
That is something I have become good at, and been good about, learning from my past so that I may hopefully make myself a brighter future.

One mistake I made was leaving my mother when I did, to be with someone who "loved" me for my physique.

I did eventually learn what true love is supposed to be.
It's supposed to be based on care and compassion for each other.
True love is a love of compassion, not lust.
Love is also blind, it cares not about color, size, or gender.

I also have learned that once a heart decides to truly give itself away, and provide that true love to another, it may never end those feelings - no matter what.
There will always be that bond between those two, and it may lead to them seeking each other out.

My life had been rather boring.
I never really got out there so I really don't know all that much.
I was always the nerd off in the corner.
So it is still hard for me to hold a decent conversation about anything besides my work and my projects.

It's one reason why I've let others lead conversations, and if I had any input - I would let it out.
One reason why I always was the quiet one.

Then I found true love.
My true one and only.

I figure to this day, we would have still found one another, even if I never was with Steel.
I never really did anything too differently to have prefented it from happening.

And for 5 years, I was truly, really happy.
I tried my best to treat him well.
And I still want to be here for him, and to treat him well.
Better than I have treated him.

But...
Drama had to arise.
It is a curse of large families and large groups like furries alike.

We both reacted poorly to the drama coming at us from both family and friends...
It led to a lot of arguments and fighting...

Fighting, simply because I wanted his love and affection... and I still do want it.

Of course this led to a series of mistakes, all of which I would much rather keep in the past from here on out.
But I learned from all of them.
I learned I can maintain HIS house on my own, if need be.
I learned how much I will always love and care for him, no matter what happens.

I learned how deeply rooted my promise to him has been: A promise I always intend to keep
A promise that even now, in the solitude of his house - I am keeping.
A promise that he is well worth.

I do pray for a brighter future for us, and do have hopes of reuniting.

I have certainly learned the error of my own ways in all this.
And wish to prove that I can be a better person, and a much better mate than I was.

So here I am, on my 30th birthday, hoping I won't have to be alone in solitude forever.
But still I wait, I still keep my promises.

For one thing I learned is the power of a promise, and that it MUST be kept.

I love you, and hope I can last through this...
I pray I do not make the ultimate sacrifice...

And I thank you all for helping to make my life a decent one.
You all have helped me to be happy in one form or another.