You never fully realize...

....How much someone means to you till they are gone.

However:
You never fully understand and appreciate all they have done for you till you are completely alone.

I will always love and miss that.

But you see, that is what love should be about:
Caring about the other person, and willing to be there for them.
To show you care, and to show affection to them, no matter how small.

Sadly, today's society has create a mirage of "love" where men have become subjects of women's control and desires.
The love presented by many women may not be true love, but a means of control.
And it all starts with what I call the "mother syndrome"
(Ever notice that its typically mothers less accepting of a son coming out as gay than that of the fathers?)

Before we go too far, ladies.. Understand this... its a conecpt our society has created, and I will never say that women cannot provide true love.
But they need to fully understand the feeling, and what it is supposed to mean (not what our society says it is) before they can do so.

However, because of this syndrome, women have been given a "free ride" in our society and in turn - it has led to them expecting to be able to maintain complete control.
Since they cannot control other women, they tend to do so with the men and boys in their lives.
This is now an ingrained "evil" in many women, which can be traced all the way back to "Eve" (The woman who gave the "bad" apple to Adam)
(Ever wonder why the phrase "Mama's boy" is common, but you almost never hear the phrase "Mama's girl"?)

Women cannot be controled, and this becomes known very early on:
Mothers trying to keep daughters from going out, reminds me of a quote from Bill Cosby "Mother, this is my life.. Your life is over."
The daughters learn to say no early on and quickly. Where it takes the boys a lot longer to learn this, if they ever do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEIzXyP_Plg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlaV-9TDr4s

It also why it's a lot more common for women to maintain a "my way or the highway" mentality.

"Our modern society is now exclusively orientated towards achieving, obtaining and accommodating this female approval. MGTOW comprehensively rejects and delegitimizes any necessity for female approval or sanction. MGTOW is men thumbing their noses, giving the finger to the notion that men live by the grace and favour of women. It literally pulls the rug out from under the feet of women who, whether consciously or not, have internalised the idea that men are a resource for women, that men live and die to serve women’s needs, wants and whims, that men have no other function but to be at the beck and call of women, but only if and when a woman decides she had some need that a man is obliged to answer and/or fill."

"The women they encounter demand attention, loyalty, resources and undue privilege, while offering very little in return. The natural hypergamous nature that once served them well in their quest to secure the best possible mate is now a sustained lifestyle bringing an endless pursuit of bigger and better. The average young woman today is less concerned about the number of quality men who would commit to her than she is about the number of men who retweet a photo of her breasts."

The sad part is, because of how our society has built this up, women can do things to control all the men and boys in their lives without even realizing it. At the same time, the men may not even fully understand it is actually happening.
Some women will even use kids and/or other things to keep this control if they feel they are losing it.

"Really! Boys, lads – what ails ye at all? Don’t ye know that there are wimmin out there ready and willing to rip your heart out, itching to use, abuse and reject you? Literally foaming at the mouth to squeeze every last penny out of you, give birth to your children then taunt you for 18 years by holding those children hostage, to ransom?"

This is where MGTOW comes into play. (Men Going Their Own Way)
Its a uprising of men who realized what is happening and are finally learning to say "no".

"M.G.T.O.W – Men Going Their Own Way is a statement of self-ownership, where the modern man preserves and protects his own sovereignty above all else. It is the manifestation of one word: “No”. Ejecting silly preconceptions and cultural definitions of what a “man” is. Looking to no one else for social cues. Refusing to bow, serve and kneel for the opportunity to be treated like a disposable utility. And, living according to his own best interests in a world which would rather he didn’t."

It is a sad thing for me to not find this on my own - while understanding and living under this concept most my life.
This concept was presented to me by a gentleman who regulars a place I work, who has been married almost 30 years.
This same man told me, and I quote: "In today's society, its better to be a gay man."
This same man also told me that mothers trying to "force" sons into straightness will fail, for the sons will "revert back".

Now... For some part of my past.
For 5 years, I was happy with someone, who was also happy with me.
We only had ONE major fall out - which is to say a lot for 5 years of happiness.

Now some have heard him complain that he worried I wasn't into him.
This was because I was trying to at least mentally distance myself from him to prevent myself from doing EXACTLY what I did to him.
But we were cornered into the same corner together, right when I had dealt with months of trying to wind down a grouping of bad feelings brought on by a bad sitatuion that was brought to us by others.
Cornered with him when I just had to snap.. and say and do things I never wanted to. (And will feel bad for till the day I die.)

I still love and care for this person, and I always will.

That being said. I am in a bad situation now, with the loss of my mother.
I feared bad emotions may overcome me once again, which I have been meditating out this time.
But I decided I never wanted to put anyone I care about through that ever again.

I destroyed myself with the fear of well, myself. I just hope that I can repair some of the damage I caused.

--Resources--
http://www.mgtow.com/about/
http://www.avoiceformen.com/sexual-politics/m-g-t-o-w/mgtow-and-female-disapproval-2/

--Music of Choice--
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R20f-TPKjzc