Before I say anything, be warned that this journal is not going to be a good read, but I have been avoiding posting this because I was hoping things would get better. They have not. Now, although any sympathy and well wishes would be appreciated, that is not why I am posting this. I am posting it because I don't want to have to repeat the story again, regarding why I have been so down in the dumps lately. If you do not wish to read this journal, by all means ignore it, but I need to get this out.

A round a week or so ago, my roommate Henry got a call from my cousin. I'm not going to state her name her, in order to respect her privacy. This cousin is the person who took me in when my mom threw me out after the huge fight I had with my step-dad years ago (which came to blows). She took me in for several years, and I love and care about her a great deal.

Anyway... in that phone call, Henry (who, by that point was good friends with her as well) was told that she (my cousin) had to have several different medical tests done. Her doctors then informed her that one of two things was POSSIBLE to have been wrong based on the results. She was told she might have either lymphoma or ovarian caner. When this was told to me, I became incredibly upset and worried over her.

Two days later, we received another phone ca;; from my cousin. She tells me that, having had several more tests, she does have Lymphoma. I'm told this and I completely fell apart. This bawling went on for a good half hour before i finally calmed down.

I thought that was going to be the worst of it, because I was told she was being placed on meds for the chemotherapy, and that, because it was caught extremely early, she had a very high chance of surviving.

Then we get another phone call twp nights ago, where we're told that, because she ran out of meds the day before, she spent all day that day in the hospital, and has been very ill.

Then we get to the call we got today. They had been forced to perform emergency surgery to have her ovaries removed, and also discovered she has a hole in her intestines. And it wasn't one that was new, which means a large part of her issues lately could have also been because of that. (She had been having stomach issues for weeks).

Then, just today, we get another update. She's still not doing well, and is still in the hospital.

I am right now, quite literally, ready to lose it. I feel terrible even saying this, but at this point, I'm almost expecting that the next call I'm going to get from her husband is that she has died.

Please forgive me for posting this. As I said, I'm not posting for sympathy, but rather because repeating the story over and over is depressing me even worse.