What is causing it

Since I moved, I've been terribly isolated from most people. Even though I had friends here before i chose to move, i still feel secluded from society in general. Im not inside Atlanta or i dont think i would be feeling this terrible, im about 30-40 minutes outside of Atlanta in "old people country" It really blows.

Running the motions

I'm an extremely emotional person, as some of you may know, and i spend a whole lot of my time drawing emotional pictures (mainly Love because that is the biggest most upfront emotion right now) but underneath that is a whole mess of sadness. Am i just trying to cover up my sadness with the happiness i feel from love? probably so, even though that doesn't diminish the way i feel. The problem i face very often is that, Im a very extrovert person when it comes to my emotions and i need to vent them out otherwise if i let them sit too long, ill bottle neck and ill start to feel physically ill. even if im experiencing a huge amount of happiness could make me sick to my stomach if i don't go and celebrate.

The Cure

There is no cure for depression, really, but you can smother it with other things. a good thing to do is to just always be doing something and not be stuck on one thought or emotion for so long. Unfortunately for me im stuck thinking about alot of the same shit over and over.--

So close and yet-- So far

Let's talk about why I chose to move To America and not go to China or Spain. by now it's no secret to anyone here that I am just -Madly- in-love with a special woman and have been for, goodness... years now. Sometimes i think oh it's just not meant to be and we both went off somewhere but not matter what happens i always end up right back with her in my heart, so ive decided that she has to be the one. nothing else explains it. well She is not anywhere near Atlanta but being here in the US has provided me with the chance to see her, and if it means i gotta suck up all this isolation then fuck, i guess i gotta do it. Aside from her, It also made it much easier to come here because i have some family and friends i've met in the past in this area.

Those special people In my life

Yknow it really helps to just have people you care about and love. The two greatest people in my life, theflameshinobi He's like my brother hes helped me so much since i landed in Atlanta. and the love of my life, SwiftThief who is just the greatest motivation i could ask for. and now i feel like im bearing all of my weight just on these two over this god awful depression and im tired of it, i want to give back to these two everything and more they have given to me.

Why write this journal

People always whine and complain that oh wah stop moping around. thats not always the case, depression is a serious issue and i always feel terrible to all of you when i just post a journal and im like "boo, im sad" but the truth is, writing how you feel, helps. ALOT. you dont always have to publish it but im a very big people person and i enjoy human interaction and when you guys come and talk with me i feel really good. not just the "get well soon, Hinata" stuff but really come chat with me, tell me how you feel what you do to get better or what you experience, or hey just try and crack a good joke. every little bit really helps for me and may work for others who post this stuff too.

No i don't want to kill myself, I have so much to live for so much to do. I still have get married to Swiftthief and start my own game development company. i've got a lot of big dreams to push for and i wont let the sadness take me off my course no matter how hard it tries.

I started writing this feeling depressed and now at the end I feel relived and happy.

thank you for all of those who took the time to read my long winded post. You are all such great and wonderful people.