at least not publicly or on tumblr. On skype when i'm up to it yes. I don't have the bandwidth any more with shitty hughes net nore the attention span.

My mental health is going down the toilet and I can barely focus. I'm not alone either now that i've heard stories from some good friends of mine. I need a break. I've become a hermit and half of what I do or type is inllegible. Half of the time I don't know where I am any more of I lose focus so badly I have to squint.

I've been working on doing random odd jobs for entertainment money (Like going to the movies) but never any thing for paypal yet.

I'm working hard on improving my art and pushing my self very hard every day. Physically, Mentally, and emotionally. I'm trynna make my self better but it's rough It's not easy and its a slow road ahead.

I did get a pc chair though so i'm not in bed all day.

Maybe some day i'll return to rping on tumblr. But for now it seems like the fandoms i'm in are mostly dead and every time I attempt a blog I just get ignored any way or left aside for some one whose' better.

My problem in the entire stretch of roleplaying has been feeling like I wasn't good enough, Horrible envy of ask blogs that did art. Jealousey of people. It didn't help when I tried to talk to people to get snubbed for more popular people. Yet people still claimed I a popular blog. It was like a punch to the stomache or more so my well idk ok. It was like people think i'm good but to others I wasn't good enough...

I either got hate anons or just flat out ignored or scared away by most rpers. The wir fandom is mostly dead any way.. I'm sure there are other blogs more interesting than me. People keep telling me to say hi to new people but when I do I get rejected or snubbed. I have terrible fear of rejection and abandonment issues which don't mix well at all ugh. It's so stupid I have having these issues. I just want to be a normal person that can form proper healthy relationship .w.

I don't have any IRL friends local to me.. just online friends. Some times I feel like their even distant online. It's hard to talk to people lately like almost hazey.

I've felt like this for several years within the span of rping online and well being online to I suppose. It's noting personal against any one I'm super timid..

Then at some point I found out I had BPD - border line personality disorder which explained why through most of my time I had such horrible difficulty maintaining healthy relationships with people. Dating Friendships you name it.. I've become a hermit.

I want to be with my friends again. I know i've matured and grown in a lot of ways and I just wanna say hey give me a break :< I'm just a little slower than people. I need more space than most people is all. I need to recharge those batteries yo.

So if I seem snippy or distant it's nothing against any one personally. I'm worn out, i'm trynna better my self. Give me time and your support, but please no pitty parties ugh.

I'd say give me a good ole viking punch but i'm kinda tender ya know. I'm also timid so please don't punch me.

I have enough IBSD issues as it is

So just bear with me and understand i'm on a break. Some times people just can't take it for a long time like that. It always felt so onesided any way.. People only wanted me for the characters I played. Another reason why I stopped dating completely to.

I need to worry about my own health before other people's right now if it's understandable.

I don't know what else to type since I p much said it all I guess so i'm gonna go nap soon ok.