It sounds like a case of depression but i'm not an expert or any thing. I know I used to feel that way and I started getting medication and therapy for my issue. Sorry I can't help much but i'm here for support and if you'd like to talk or vent.

Wish I had something helpful to say here...I was in a pretty tough spot for a couple years out of the active military. Social, but no motivation to do anything 'cept exist. For me it just took time to work myself into even a bit accomplished, but it sorta snowballs (even if it's just a bit, progress is progress!).

So I figure a good way to go about this stuff is to do little thing by little thing. Hopefully they add up for you and you notice some change in motivation n' activity.

We all have these feelings and thoughts sometime in our lives, sometimes more then others, it is 100% natural for people to go through depression. What we need to help us pick ourselves out it of is a combination of treatment and support, seeing a doctor for medication to help you get out of the deepest part, your support group (people you love, trust and look up to) to get you out of the fire and your own will to be better to keep you up and out of that depression. If ya can't get the Doc due to finances then many herbal supplements do help, just do an internet search for supplements that help alleviate depressing moods.

I'm in no way a doctor or know much of anything concerning medical advice, but I have struggled with chronic depression for many years and I know at least a lil bit of the cycle that depression is. Most of the depressive times for me is when I'm alone, at night with nothing but my thoughts and my brain sweeps me over to all the 'failures' I've done in my life. Being alone when you're depressed is a reaaaalllyyyy big no-no, cause it just allows the depression to swell up bigger. Even if it's 4:37 AM in the morning you need to talk it out with something or someone, Dogs/cats are great for this, as they are amazing listeners, and if you have night-owl friends they can assist you as well.

I'm not entirely sure about how your marriage is or how far/close you two are in relation to location, as many furs have long distance relationships, but your husband is working hard for you to go to school, and it probably pains him to see you so upset about your schooling and how depressed you feel about it. I think a good sitdown or a nice, long talk will help you understand how he feels.

Socially, you feel like a 'jerk' and that you 'push people away', though these thoughts are probably fueled by the depression and have no real hold in your life. Though all people can't always get along, it isn't from a lack of trying, if you need to try to start communicating with people so you don't feel like this, try little baby steps, like asking how they are, how's the weather where they're at, anything exciting happen the past few days, and after you talk about that, you can say goodbye and that you'll talk to them later, and just check up on them from time to time.

The laziness you speak of isn't from you being a 'bad person', it's also fueled by the depression, as it deprives you of willpower and energy to do tasks you wished you could do. And Artist's Block also most likely happens due to it, so in order for you to be able to clean the house or start a new project, the depression needs to be held back.

I honestly hope this helps you, I feel that no person should have to go through this in their lives. But sadly it's a natural part of life and we just need to have a supportive group of people and/or good treatment from a doc to help us stay on our feet. You are a wonderful person, and care enough about yourself and others by posting this journal asking for help. I hope you kick this depression's ass and make it through to be an even better person then you already are.

Have you looked into therapy? There are a lot of psychologists who will work on a sliding scale or with insurance. I don't know if you've tried it before or not, but it could do you a world of good.

Should have woken me up since I was on y our couch, i'd have glomped you with snugglies.

It's a hard thing to get over, talk to your therapist and see if they have any idea to help you with continuing coping and becoming the person you want to be. You've come so far, don't think you haven't.

I am very familiar with these feelings. Its hard to be a happy productive human when you hate yourself thought. I found that reading helps draw me out of my depression. I recommend checking out this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal/dp/1878424319