In Japanese culture, there is an important undercurrent to almost every interaction that takes place. This undercurrent is 'wa' or 'harmony'. To give an overly simplified explanation of this idea of harmony, it involves making your interactions with others and your behavior as undisruptive as possible to promote the harmony and well being of the group as a whole. While many anthropologists and Japanese might disagree with my very simplified explanation above, I believe it fits well enough for the purposes of this article.

     I discovered the idea of 'wa' when I bent my studies towards Japan during high school, and began to learn about Japanese culture. However, I must admit that the idea was incredibly familiar to me. Because in almost all reasonable ways, I already lived my life by a very similar set of behavioral guidelines. The way my upbringing shaped me and the circumstances surrounding me in life have given me a good understanding of the benefits of such harmony. And so, even as a non-Japanese, I try very hard to live my life in a way that is not disruptive to others.

     For similar reasons, I find it hard to tolerate people close to me who have a habit of being disruptive, regardless of whether their intentions are good or not. While everyone will seek to remove people from their life who cross boundaries, my boundaries are perhaps more strict than many others. Those of quick and violent temper, those who seek the discomfort or harassment of others, those who refuse to live and let live, those who simply do not care for others' feelings; all of these people are quickly removed from my life when possible. It is merely the way in how I apply these rules that makes me different.

     The first way I am different, is that I don't care if you're on my side of some issue. Even if you agree with me, if you're disruptive, I will remove you despite that fact. While we may indeed work towards the same goal, will do so separately. The second way ties into my above statement about live and let live. If you disagree with me, that is perfectly fine. After all, disagreements are common. It is if you refuse to simply let disagreements stand without vicious debate that I become quite perturbed.

     The point about all this is the way I form my conversations with other people to avoid mutual discomfort. To put it bluntly, I intensely dislike both arguments and debates. For me, there's little difference between them. They both cause disharmony that I am ill prepared to deal with, and so I try and avoid them. A statement to the effect of 'We should agree to disagree' or 'This isn't going anywhere' are probably my two favorite lines for attempting to scuttle such discussions. Attempting to press the point with me is only going to defeat your cause as I remove you from my attention as a disruptive influence.

     If you believe it important to make your case to try and sway me on some issue, there are effective ways to do it. Usually more passive ones, which work much better on me than forceful aggressive ones. A good example is that if the situation comes up, give a brief summary of your position and what information you believe supports it. I will likely counter in kind, but if your summary or information is intriguing, I will look into it on my own. Quite possibly, this will lead me to come around to your point of view. Trying to drag me into a debate, or constantly bringing the subject up won't do anymore than annoy me.

     So, while I'm not entirely sure how such an eastern social idea came to be part of my being from an early age, I can tell you that the desire for a harmonious existence is very strong for me. Also, it is likely that anyone who has gotten this far in the article is either someone who is close to me, or someone who would like to be close to me. Given all of this, I hope that the information is useful to you so that we may all continue to live together and love each other with harmony.