A new time...

First of all, allow me to both apologize and thank you all.

I apologize for being a burden on all of you, and I thank you all for putting up with me.

Allow me to explain.

This experience that I have been through with Mixy really opened my eyes, and really made me start to think about myself.

I went all the way back to beginning of all these problems.
High School
Meditation

The biggest problem I had was that while finding my original "enlightenment," I failed to venture into myself and devulge my individuality.
Instead, I let the fears of my childhood form who I became.

I was nothing more than a mere shadow of all my friends, and my mates.
Always concerned about what everyone else thought of me, which prevented me from forming my own version of... me.

Made me afraid to hurt my friends, for fear of losing them.
Made me afraid to make hard decisions that would have ultimately been good for me.

This meant I was also always afraid of loosing my mates that I had, which led to me actually losing them.
Including Mixy, who will always be my one and only.

This meant I was never really happy.
I couldn't let myself be happy with what I had, because I was always afraid.

Fear is a hard thing to break, but I do feel that I have begun to do so.

I have been making hard decisions that will lead to a better life for myself.

This includes breaking up with Kyu.

The short stint I had with Kyu wasn't even real, at least.. not to me.
It was a distraction from the pain of my loss, which made me begin to see a lot about myself once I got past it.

I ended up stringing the poor boy along, which was not right for either of us.
So, I ended it.

I made one of the first Hard Decisions of my life that I needed to make to improve upon myself and my own life.

My heart still yearns for my One and Only.

However, I must be my own starlight if I wish to be anyone else's starlight - including Mixy's.

I must be happy with myself, with what I have, and keep a rather positive outlook in life.
It is the only way to truly be happy.
Instead on relying on others for it.

It is time to outshine the darkness that fell upon me, and become a bright light that I myself can be proud of...
So that others who decide to call me a friend (or more) may also be proud of being my friend.

Because of how I was, I was nothing more than a disrespectful burden on my mate and my friends.
I'm begining to change that now. I'm standing on my own now.

I'm more and more happy with what I have, and where my life leads.

I never truly gave up on Mixy, and would be honored if he could decide to give me another shot.

But alas, the honor would only hold true if he truly felt he could do that.
For he is an individual, and needs to be respected as such.

Just like us all.

Being his shadow made me make some mistakes...
I felt I was loosing his light...
So I fought to keep it.

Which made me start a lot of fights and arguments over nothing.
Which made me do some really stupid and childish things over nothing.

What I should have fought for was a healthy relationship...
and in that, there would really have been no fight.

He was trying to give me excatly that...
I just needed to let him be himself and have his space when he needed it.
I needed to be willing to let him go do his own thigs and stop shadowing him as I did.

For the saying holds true:
If he were really to be mine, he would come back to me on his own.

For now, I am rather pleased with this insight, which makes me happy that I was able to acheive it.
I'm happy that I can see myself, the way I was.. and the way I should be.

A big help does come from Kyu, and his new mate.
Thank you.

However, they didn't tell me these things I see now, but seeing them together made me think.
Made me realize a lot of these things on my own.

For now, I will wait and see...
Wait for the wuffy I wish I could call my own...
The one I never really gave up on...
The one I promised to wait for...

Right now, being his close friend is nice, and if it does develop into something more - the honor it would bring me would take me to a whole new world.

Mixy was my light, but now I can be his light too.
If we do work it out that way, we should shine for each other.

This is an improved, happier Drako Tags.

Thank you all.

---

TNSC Art Contest - May 2014

The latest winner is:
Caesar Caiman - https://inkbunny.net/submissionview.php?id=587893
by Zerr - https://inkbunny.net/Zerr

This Month's Nomination Theme:
Dominant Foxes

This Month's Voting Theme:
Butts

Nomination and Voting Deadline:
June 1, 2013

Head on over to http://tnsc.ontheweb.nu to Nominate Art and to Vote now!