I am just about finished with my job with Animaholics, and while I am waiting to hear back about any tweaks I need to do, I have to say that I have learned quite a lot about myself. Goodness.

I have to really say that I am not sure if I am up to the challenge that is working with visual effects studios, not unless I do some serious behavioral re-conditioning. I understand that this was my first ever job in this field, and I have to say that the person I answered to is really really great - very direct, neutral, and offering to help with clarification if needed.

It has mostly been my own incapability to deal with the anxiety and stress that makes me hesitant to keep my options open in this field. Breaking down in mental capability and comprehension in only one week of 8-12 hour days is not a very good omen. Growing up not knowing when it was okay to stop working, and my first relationships with authority (my parents) being pretty negative in an emotionally abusive situation have certainly not helped I suppose. I will run myself into the ground if something needs to get done, no matter what it is.

I've improved on my ability to tell myself to be reasonable about my limits and what tasks are important enough to complete in a single sitting, but I've found out with this job this: If there is something that has no limits on time to work on it, a deadline, and an authority figure presiding over its completion, my self-regulation goes out the window, and I'm back to 'work until it's done', forgoing food, common sense, and mental health. It'll be a learning curve for me no matter what job I do, but being my own boss is a scenario where I avoid most of this issue, for better or worse I suppose.

In any case, I have a lot to learn, and I wish I knew where to go TO learn about what is needed from me in the visual effects industry. I wouldn't be surprised if it would require graduate study or, hell, going back to school for an undergraduate degree.

All told, though, in the end, I think I may be happier working in a field like scientific illustration, where I know my 3D skills are being asked for; I'd be combining all of my interests into a career that will help satisfy my passion for and further educate people of science and zoology. I am still keeping an eye open for 3D opportunities, while I also look at ways to improve my abilities in scientific illustration. I have a lot of ZBrush homework to catch up on, 3D prints to fix up for sale, and commissioners waiting for me to be open again!

Anyone who has knowledge of anything I've spoken of here, please share your thoughts should you wish to. I would love to discuss these topics!

Thank you all, and have a pleasant day. : )