I was going to post a journal responding to the election, but I think all the obvious has already been pointed out. Instead I want to share some thoughts about motivation.

I hated Nik Vulper. At times I have stated this implicitly and explicitly. The matter was highly trivial, but I used that hatred to motivate myself. It was the reason I was able to make it through the latter half of high school and my freshman year of college (and the summer class as well).

Maintaining this level of hatred for something this trivial for this long is something I had never done before, and it was by no means warranted. I was able to maintain it for two and a half years, but I can't do it any longer.

The poems (especially "Retribution," short and extended) have been a reflection of my hatred, but by the time I wrote "Shame" I conceded that they would no longer be attributed to him. He did not warrant that kind of lashing. No one does.

Using hate as a pillar for motivation is a bad idea. It is always a bad idea. Most cannot maintain that for as long as I have. When the hatred fades (as it inevitably will), so does the motivation. Now that I am just about over what happened, all that is left is regret and self-loathing.

Now there is an empty space, and I feel like I am wandering aimlessly looking for a reason to press on. I don't know what to do or where to go from here.

Don't let this happen to you. Learn from my mistakes. What I did was wrong. Even though it might work for months or years, when you find out that it is pointless, there will be consequences, and they will hit you hard.