uhhhhm essentially at the moment im mostly just struggling with health issues. recently ive been pretty strongly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder(which is its own slew of information and problems i do not wish to go into) and have to deal with things concerning treatment and management for this. physically-wise, i have to make appointments without messing around schedules too much to check and see if i have polycystic ovary syndrome or the possibility of a menstrual disorder, on top of issues with anemia and making sure i dont put too much pressure on my lame leg and basically i can sum this up as feeling as though i am falling apart?? or at least in danger of it

this has affected me pretty strongly with school and work and i am also relatively upset that it has thrown me so off kilter.

for those awaiting commissions i always leave the door open for refunding if the customer is dissatisfied with the process, however at this time i may be unable to handle refunds due to currently not having enough money for that. when im done with classes for this week ill try my best to get into contact with those waiting to discuss one on one with them. im hoping to rectify that situation soon, however, if it may be that any of my waiting commissioners desire a refund. otherwise, those still willing wait i sincerely apologize that this has affected my work flow so phenomenally badly. i apologize and hold it on myself that i am taking so long for the work that needs to be done. i still very much strongly feel that it should be completed, and will for those still willing to wait, but i still am immensely sorry for doing so

hmm i think after those issues are settled away, when they are, i probably will no longer be so keen on accepting commissions due to my personal health and wellbeing. not exactly cutting out doing work like that, but more likely to be doing it less often and on smaller scales

i legitimately cannot express how remorseful i am and how sincerely i wish to apologize about my own inabilities to handle these things

im not really sure what to say anymore so ill leave this journal at it