Firstly. Commissions are closed. I have a good amount and I'm making sure to get ALL the work in my list done before I reopen for anything new.

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My friend Bunni and I were gonna try doing a stream last Sunday, but like usual, I'm a master at managing my time and I had to be at an event my friend James was hosting for his poetry community and he helped me out with that shitty week, with some help from them too. (No, it wasn't super bowl related. I don't like sports.)

So, tomorrow night will be a second attempt at that. It'll be later on in the evening or night. I would also like to post up our recordings on youtube too.

I'll make the announcement again tomorrow with a link.

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As for "other shits," I donno. I've just all around been feeling so friggin down lately. "Defeated" is a good way of putting it. I was really hoping to have something to show for with my project by this month, but shit just fell through.

It's kind of a dream project of mine, and a few people are telling me to keep pushing forward on my own, but it's tough. It's a lot of work to take on by myself, and I don't really have a lot of time to constantly work on it. Plus it stinks that I'm stuck falling back on MUGEN again until I can get programming help for something real.

I mean. I'm just gonna have to try producing whatever I can and maybe later on when I have enough animation work and MUGEN demo work, maybe then people will feel more confident in me to help for a longer run. I can't promise pay, and it's the hardest part. I need money myself, and it's a big reason I need to focus primarily on commissions now. I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel for my project, so there is no way to make any money from that any time soon. I haven't to put my project on the back burner. One of my friends told me that if I really care about making this game, if it is a "passion" that money shouldn't be stopping me. While that is true, I still need money to live, and doing things for money like work and commissions takes up a lot of free time, therefor, not leaving much for me to do project work, and if I'm the only one working on it... it's not gonna happen for years.

It's very intimidating to think about. Again, it makes that light at the end of the tunnel hard to even fathom. It's honestly kind of soul crushing and makes it hard to persist on my own with it. I have no one to work with, and it stinks. Having to produce so much animation on my own also essentially means that I will not finish my dream project ever on my own. At best I'll have a handful of characters made in MUGEN.

I really don't know where I'm going with this. I just feel so friggin bleh. Just full of fucking BLEH about it. I can't even really put my thoughts together right and this is probably coming out all wrong. I just feel like a mess over it.

I'll keep trying to do whatever I can on my own, and hopefully I'll find some help or someone to collaborate with at some point.

Bleh