I don't usually do these meme things, but I'm dealing with a surge of heartburn and need something to take my mind off of it until I can pass out.

Buckle your seatbelts.

What's your real name?
If I go by what's on the tag inside my underwear, it's 'INSPECTOR 41'.

How tall are you?
2'14"

What's your natural hair color?
It all fell out when my skin fell off.

What's your eye color?
I have no eyes. They're as void as my empty, empty head.

What's your orientation?
Facing Northwest-ish right now. Sometimes I face East when the winds are high.

Are you single, taken or undecided?
The judge said 'hiding in someone's closet' doesn't constitute a 'relationship', so..

What do you do in your spare time?
I've taken to weeping violently, interspersed with screaming in sonorous echoes. I've got a knack for attracting depressed bats.

What's your job or occupation?
The Judge also noted that 'being pepper-sprayed' doesn't constitute a 'career' so..

What do you like about yourself?
I sometimes surprise myself with sudden lavish sock-puppet plays about 12th century prominent shipwrights. I shriek and giggle until I fall asleep.

What do you dislike about yourself?
No matter how many times I try, my head cannot stop a softball going 100mph.

What did your friends notice about you when they first met you?
...The Judge noted that brooms dressed up in clothing don't constitute 'friends', so...

What is your belief/religion if you believe in anything at all?
There are bigger things out there than all of us. And if they have any sense, they'll never come near us.

Do you drink?
The question is: Do I ever stop?

Do you smoke?
I mostly only smoulder. People keep pulling my head out the oven. It's starting to piss me off.

What are your major fears?
Losing the last vestiges of myself, and waking up only at the moment my fingers give way and I slip from the edge.

Do you have any dreams or goals?
I used to.

Have you ever had a crush or an ex?
I think you need a heart to have a crush.

Who's your best buddy?
Havana Rum. I love you, rum. You make it all stop hurting.

What's your favorite dish?
When they don't put tin cans in with the trash. That's good eatin'

What's your favorite drink?
Bleach. Or dust.

What's your favorite color?
With no eyes to see, there is no colour in this world.

If you had a super power, what would it be?
The ability to love.

What's your favorite movie?
The old VHS tape that a carpet salesman left here, showing off the wonderful world of DuPont brand (tm) carpets.

What's your least favorite food?
Being fed my own words. They taste like pickled ashes and sorrow.

What do you drive and what would you really like to drive?
I currently hang out behind trees with a trash lid that has wheels and a rope attached to it. When a car comes by, I try to snag the hitch and get a free ride that way. I'd really rather drive a bulldozer.

What is your most disliked bug?
Rob Ford.

What pet peeves do you dislike the most?
Running out of mustard for my crackers. Or people who ask for opinions on heated subjects and get angry at the answers you give. Don't ask the question if you get furious that I don't share your opinions.

What do you dislike in life?
Hurt.

What do you love in life?
The paradise. The hopeful and warm faces that greet me there, and the sun on my flesh.