It's something that well, causes me to doubt 90% of my spiritual experiences. And yet I never wrote about it.

First off, I never wanted to write too much about atheism and skeptical beliefs, because there's tons of people doing a good job of that already. Whereas my pagan stuff is things nobody else is posting out there. Then there's the fact it's not a real article, not even a real blog, but one just to sell the guy's psych book.

but it's there. it's a seed. A seed of doubt in my mind that's grown into something rather potent for me.

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2011/07/07/misattribution-of-arousal/

I had my spiritual awakening in 2008, this came much later. and it's not about that, directly. so yeah, it makes sense I wouldn't have really believed in this message enough before to write about it.

The first effect of that article was to make me realize how most of my fetishes work. There's always an element of danger to them, I noticed... being tied up, spanked, whipped, menacing doms, rough sex... the full list would make a teetering tower of text, but you get the idea.

Kink relies heavily on this multiple source of arousal.

But it didn't take me long to wonder... every time I've experienced spiritual energy, raising power, being cleansed and energized by outdoor ritual... well, it was a feeling like sexual arousal but not sexual that I couldn't quite place.

What if it was this kind of nonsexual arousal all along?

What if the rituals themselves are exciting? The activity of going outdoors, lighting sage, walking barefoot in the grass and soil... all that could lead to nonsexual arousal. The Catholic guilt planted long ago, leading to fear of being noticed by neighbors or bystanders and awkward questions, the thought it's forbidden in some way... that could lead to arousal too.

That tingling feeling, that extra feeling of life... could just all exist within.

Which would mean everything I've been doing is just superstition as my former atheist self would have thought. That there's no difference between religious ecstacy and just the mundane ecstacy of simple pleasures of life. That to one's body, it doesn't matter whether those simple pleasures are walking on narrow bridges, ice cream, kisses from puppies, cloud watching, walking barefoot in the grass, or reciting pagan poetry while burning inscence.