Where do I even start? I'm depressed, have been for a week, No this isn't directed at anyone here, I've just been thinking a lot lately, and none of those thoughts have been good ones. I'm never usually this mopey around the holidays, but a lot has been on my mind, and people around me are just pissing me off more and more, mainly at work, I work at a god damn supermarket, it's a dead end job to me because I only make a little over a hundred dollars a week, which is good for walking around money, but not to live off of, I mean I still live with my parents and step brother for fuck's sake and I can hardly stand them anymore, my mom especially, I used to be comfortable with telling her about what I do in life, and that I'm a furry, she doesn't understand and chooses not to, like alot of people, she thinks it's gay and different and wrong. She controls most of my life, I can hardly see my friends because she won't let me get a license because she doesn't think I'll understand all of that because I have autism. I'M 22 FUCKING YEARS OLD! I'M A GROWN ASS MAN! LET ME MAKE MY OWN FUCKING DECISIONS! And then there's the holidays, all I got for everyone I wanted was a bunch of gift cards and two bottles of wine. I don't know what to get people so then I feel like shit in the end, and then there's the people at my work that I go out of my way to help with their shit. Bunch of fat dumb assholes, I know it's part of the job but FUCK! It's a surprise I didn't quit years ago, and it's miracle how I'm so patient with most of them and how I haven't choked anyone out yet. Like I said before, this job doesn't pay well, and at this rate, I won't get anywhere in life. I don't know what I want to do for college in all honesty. Lately I started having feelings for this girl on here, I'm not going to say who she is for her sake, but I know she doesn't want to be with me, I mean, who wants to be with me at all? I'm a loser, A nobody, A nothing. Hardly anyone says hi to me here on a daily basis, noone comments on my stuff, noone comments on my fucking journals, Not alot of people care about me and wouldn't even notice if I dropped dead. I have no home of my own, no car, no good job, no college education, no future, noone to hold in my arms to I say "I love you" to and to say the same back to me. My life is a fucking wreck....just one huge fuck up. I don't see why I keep going on. I honestly don't see why I bother anymore. I'm probably gonna go on hiatus after Christmas until I get my shit together, but I don't see how that'll help.

Happy Fucking Holidays.