I didn't get this post out to every account on postybirb since it had logged some of them out with the recent update.
I was also going to give a better explanation. I watched this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZYwd4PO-hY and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VTsIju1dLI after I figured I was attention seeking.
I have self identified social anxiety and mild to moderate rejection sensitive dysphoria in myself as well as some other concerning similarities. Then could see that I was using twitter, furaffinity, etc. for this validation. I have identified it in the past.
I also have problems with self love. I couldn't even say why
Validation is where it gets worriesome. It is a subconscious deal with myself where I am here to find validation for doing the things that I do. One of the recommendations is to get out and to get different hobbies. I also have started to do stream of consciousness journaling again. However, I just played around drawing in much the same way in that I wasn't going to post it. Just sitting there drawing patterns and shapes it felt good. Then I tried to draw things and immediately was judgemental. No, this isn't how I want to have fun, feeling my stuff is inadequate. So I will take up painting. Not painting landscapes though although that's going to be something I'm fighting. With panting and such I am going to make it abstract and random and that way, I'll not bog myself down with the rules and have less fun. Since I work in the paint department at my factory job. I think painting at home as well will be a good destressor. At least I hope. But if I enjoy painting I'll get a french easel or tabletop easel. If it goes well I'll invest the 100 dollars into getting an air brush pump and air brushes. For now, I may get spray paint and if it isn't raining outside I'll just get a canvas and spray paint it. See how that goes. It also coincides with Legend of Mana's release today. I will still play games but will only play games I like. I'll eventually come back but carefully and likely I'll be doing digital painting and digital airbrushing. I should come back, though, because I do have my website and am paying for the domain name.
TLDR; I'm taking some time off for some self care and to get better in touch with myself and things I love to do. I'll be off of social media for an unknown amoutn of time because I get jealous with it and especially because I use it for validation with likes, comments, etc. and I use it to gauge my self worth and it has and hampers my ability to do creative stuff.