That's how it is, nowadays. Everything changing, and never for the better. Bah!

• Tokk, from Ori and the Will of the Wisps

Today I replaced my mask. The day it became mandatory to wear masks when going outdoors into public places, of course people hoarded masks. I wore a dust mask, the kind used for light construction against sawdust and the like, because that's what I had. I wore the same mask all this time, until, while it didn't look like it was falling apart, I was inhaling fibers. That can't be good for your health either.

Feb (2nd month) - Oct (10th month) = 8 months.

That'll get you thinking.

I've meant to make a journal like this for some time, about what my lockdown experience has been like, but, 3 months in, BLM protests occurred, and I felt like, anything I could possibly be going through, is completely insignificant, compared to that.
And then California is burning.
And this country is going to explode in 3 days.

That's the observation. COVID restrictions make you feel like anything you could possibly be suffering from them is just a minor inconvenience that nobody would care about. The new rules are to prevent other people out there from DYING, and you, little you, are complaining the mask fogs up your glasses?
Pathetic.
Insignificant.
Selfish.
Small.
I feel very small, and "it's not about you, so shut up."

FYI - I live in Michigan. I honestly don't know what you might or might not have heard about it. Here, it's never been an actual quarantine, or lockdown, just a series of public guidelines.

As of now,
1. Most non-essential jobs are available again,
2. restaurants re-opened (though they may close again?),
3. gyms are still closed (though they are taking memberships in advance?),
4. wearing a mask in public is the new social norm.

The people I know, are quietly grumbling about them all the time, but most people put up with the rules. know England, Italy, and Australia, went on national lockdowns, ACTUAL lockdowns, so having a few added restrictions here is nothing in comparison. So I bear with it.

Spring -

I really DID think in March, it would "blow over" in a month, and put a lot of things off. But, then again, I thought Pokemon would be a short-lived fad. (Looks like I really am terrible at guessing what things will last long into the future.)

The government response was random rules that don't always make sense.
At some point in April? (I think?), the weirdest point, home improvement stores were open

• BUT gardening supplies sections were closed because going outdoors had such a risk of exposure, ANY kind of gardening or lawn care, even just cutting your grass or pulling a weed, was subject to a $1000 fine,
  
• BUT we were encouraged to exercise outdoors, and the parks have been more crowded than ever, masks encouraged, but optional. But after that, the government got its act together and the rules haven't been that crazy.

Mostly I just felt confused. And still do. I don't know what the rules are going to be next week. For the last 33 weeks.

With everything shut down, I did a lot of walking, running, and biking. The way I figure, what's the virus count of the surface of a forest floor where nobody goes? Zero.

Almost every day I walked out, either in the neighborhood, or the park. Walking in wooded trails felt safer than the sidewalks with non-zero virus counts from all the people walking on them. I learned that if it's cold, you just feel cold. It won't "freeze" you (though you may feel that way). I also walked further than I thought possible.

I saw far more animals than I knew were around here - a normal suburban neighborhood - squirrels, groundhogs, rabbits, deer, cats.

Only the homo sapiens are in-decline. Everybody else is doing fine!

Summer -

This feeling of uncertainty. Day-to-day and week-to-week, I never know what's going to have a shortage, what the rules are going to be. What holidays are going to be allowed or not allowed.

4th of July was cancelled.

Then suddenly rescheduled for a random weekend in August, and fireworks set off at an undisclosed location, and televised.

I hear there are parts of the US where people are refusing to wear masks - not here. The other way 'round - some family and neighbors were/are downright paranoid. 6 feet social distancing, try 18 feet. Choreographed split onto the grass if you cross paths on the sidewalk. Living indoors, using amazon and food delivery so venturing outside is unnecessary.

High School seniors got no traditional graduations, but parades were organized, where they drive by, and the people who would normally be the "audience" in the grandstands stood by the roadside along the parade routes. Will this be a new tradition? We'll find out next year.

One shortage rolled into another - the one that actually started to bite was a shortage of soap. I found myself carefully rationing, and washing myself, and my clothes, less often. In the middle of a pandemic.

Social consciousness. I don't consider myself at-risk. I wear a mask for the people around me. They might be at-risk. Or any one of us might be an infectious carrier and not know it.

I walked, ran, biked, by-the-numbers, the same distances and times I as did when I was 25, even if it didn't feel like it came as easily.

More people than ever using the park. People of every race and ethnicity, conversations in Spanish, Eastern European languages, Arabic, Korean.

Teenagers began skateboarding in massive numbers, and could be seen walking back, boards in hand, every day. Equally likely to be girls and boys, black and white.

20-somethings wizzed by on hoverboards and motorized unicycles that looked they should be in big trouble if it ever lost balance and faceplanted on cement.

All the animals I've been seeing, but even moreso. I saw great white birds I thought didn't exist around here, and occasionally passed deer without spooking them into running.

I found myself accidentally on animal trails, either made by deer or by raccoons. Walking the same places as raccoon tracks, which are surprisingly hand-like and foot-like 5-digit tracks. We're both omnivores, and occupy similar ecological niches.

By far the most exotic life-cycle I was witness to, was, a form of green algae in the rocks in the river, which, on a bright sunny Summer day, photosynthesized lots of bubbles and using them for controlled boyancy. They began detaching little moss-like clumps that floated down the river, each one on what must be - for them - an epic journey to find places to settle and found new colonies.

It's all a matter of perspective.
Ours is not the only story on this planet.

Autumn -

Numb. The new normal. Now It's like one of those weird fantasy movies where everyone wears a mask in public. I'm thinking of Mirrormask, where it was considered indecent to walk around without a mask, like you might as well have forgotten your pants.

Designer masks, with more attractive patterns. Masks-as-fashion-accessory. Girls in leopard-print masks and ripped jeans.

The infection numbers keep rising, and it's just another statistic. Like the constantly higher numbers of murders, and constantly higher CO2/climate change numbers, add new COVID cases/deaths. Another always growing statistic of doom that is so much bigger than any of us, I feel like I can't do a damn thing about it.

That same sense of it's something to dread, but I'm also numb to it anymore, that all the world's big problems make me feel.

Numerous weddings one weekend, like, every wedding put off in June/July was rescheduled for the same time.

The water level of the river fell drastically, flood was replaced by drought, and I could wade across it. It's possible to have catastrophic flooding, and the same rivers drying up, in the same year. That's climate change for ya.

I start to understand the weather alert calls of local birds. One thunderstorm had a bird perched on a tree screaming high-pitched and frantic, like "Get out of the skies! Get down now!" 30 seconds before a Hurricane-force wind blast ripped across the land. There was also a calmer, low-pitched "All clear" signal. It makes sense. If you can fly, you're going to have the same weather concerns as mechanical aviation.

Wierdest experience? Walking home down the same trail a family of deer were, going the same way, and they were awkwardly staring at me, and I was awkwardly staring at them.

Halloween -

It happened, begrudgingly permitted by our city government, though about half the houses that normally have candy for trick-or-treaters, and the new method was to put the candy out on a table on the driveway, in a bowl or individual grab bags, or some people had little pipes or chutes, 6-feet long, to drop the candy through.

It all feels absurd, like some British-style dystopia with crazy rules, followed Monty Python style.

In 3 days - I don't know if there will even be a country, or if we'll all be going The Purge on each other.

That's kind of how this all feels. It makes me feel.
Small.
Confused.
Uncertain.
Numb.
"It's not about you."
Surrounded by events to big for me to have any impact on.