There's a summary at the bottom if you don't want to read all this.
I don't want to do any naughty stuff anymore. Now you might be thinking "ilbv does naughty things!?"
Yeah, I have, I'm a human being who has desires sometimes, shocker. I'm not proud of it, yet I am surprised by how and where I have come to find my attractions, which shall remain pretty private by me.
There are some errant arts deep within the pages of my gallery that have NSFW content, this content was made by others and on their own freewill, and there might still in the future be NSFW content that shows up. (thus the 3%)
I have never and will never commission, trade, or request any artwork from someone else to be NSFW.
I have had some encounters (online) with some very specific individuals over the time that I have been here and grown very fond of them. The playing around and fun has been wild and adventurous and I am so enthralled by it all, that's the part I always have been attracted to. These are the characters who I have grown comfortable with enough to engage in riskier behavior and play, they are the ones who I have a deeper love and respect for, giving us bonds I treasure dearly no matter how much time has gone by. There is just something special about these connections, the chemistry is right, the feeling is warm and special and exactly comfortable.
It's these relationships I am nervous to upset, or harm. I do not want to lose people I care about to someone else who can fulfill their desires better than I can.
That is why it's harder than I thought it would be to say all this, to someone I actually care about and like.
It's easy to tell strangers and people I don't know that I don't do anything naughty and NSFW because I have nothing to lose from them if they are no longer interested.
With those of you I really care about and value, I am uneasy about not doing those things you would like to do or want because I don't want to lose you to someone else who would do naughty things with you.
When I was newer to this fandom, that was really hard for me to accept, and part of me getting older is realizing that I have no control over what you do or think.
I can control me though, and I am really trying to make an effort to stick to my morals and values and no longer engage in naughty activities online.
This may cause me to lose some people in my online life here, and if you are one of them who is no longer interested in me because of MY choice, I am really sorry to see you leave. I had hoped you would have enjoyed me for who I am, being more transparent and honest, than some sexual kink or desire.
For those of you who decide to stay and support me exactly how I am, I am honored by you. It means an exceptional amount to me, knowing that I am genuinely valued, and like all imperfect human beings, there will be days where I question my validity and seek that reassurance.
All of that being said, I have no idea what the future will be in regards to this. I am pretty confident I will stick to my guns though.
At the time of this writing, I am not aroused or in anyway attracted to the idea of sexual content.
That will change naturally, there will be times where I am exceptionally aroused and attracted to an idea, character or content, I may be in a chat or rp where "horny on main" is real for me. How will I feel about this decision then? I don't even know. Will I satisfy my urges and feel immediately regretful? (That's happened) or will I overcome the desires?
I'm a strange lost human being. Part of the reason I have such an aversion to sexual content is because it has never appealed to me, ever. The idea and visual of sex is just gross and I get no pleasure from it. That's why I don't like Sexual intercourse RPs, they are boring, gross, and I don't care for them. In fact the majority of Rps or chats that are NSFW are gross to me, and I put no effort or enjoyment into them. It's not something I am here for. In the past when I have found myself in one, I would make it as quick and undescriptive as possible to literally get it over with. I don't want to swell on those mental visuals created by the words.
Am I Asexual? That's very possible, yet I'm not sure it explains how and why I get very attracted to some things.
Maybe someone reading this has thoughts on this. I'd appreciate hearing them.