Some insight....

I have now fallen into contact with a dragon in TX in an irocinally similar situation to my own.

It is nice to have someone I can talk to about such things now, someone who understands my side of things as well.

Now I will admit I was wrong...

I assumed, by Mixys actions, that I was being replaced - much like what he did to his ex.

(I really only feared this mainly because I remember how quickly he went from his ex to me.)

That was a mistake, and it fed into a serious jealousy issue...

Which in turn caused hell for Mixy.

I should have provided to him more, and given him more attention, as I try to do so now.

And while I have caused him a lot of emotional distress and pain...

I was also hurting because I was never fully re-assured either...

Now I can say there is only one thing I know of that does hurt more than a broken heart...

That is having a broken heart while knowing you are the one at fault.

And being left to remember/regret your actions that led up to it.

And not knowing if you can ever make up for all the wrong you have done.

I have made dramatic improvements in my own behavour and control over my jealousy...

Which can be a very hard thing to do at times.

I will continue to better myself... not for him or anyone else..

But for the simple fact that I, upon seeing my own behavour, was appaled and frightened of my own self.

I never wanted to become like that, and will strive to prevent it from ever happening again.

I have always enjoyed being laid back and rather carefree....

Sadly, stress from the job I had caused me to loose a chunk of that in the worst way possible.

And while I will continue to strive to rebuild my relationship with Mixy, and would love to be his mate once again..

It is ultimately his choice.

A choice I hope he can make soon enough, for I am trying my best to be as patient as I can be...

Considering I made myself lose something that is still very precious to me...

And I do hope I can have it back.