Public restrooms can contain many horrors.

Today we will speaking about the "phone call hostage situation"

You're peeing or pooping or trying to pass a kidney stone, and it's all quiet and peaceful, aside from you possibly crying because you're trying to pass a kidney stone...

When suddenly, you hear a phone ring in the stall next to you, and a one-sided phone call begins...and you're on the wrong side.

"yup" "yup" uh-huh" "yup" "yup" "right" uh huh" "yup" "yup" uh-huh" "yup" "yup" "yup" "yup" uh-huh" "yup" "yup" "okay" "yup" "yup" uh-huh" "yup" "yup"

You can't move away yet, you're still pooping! You never eat enough fiber and can't resist the allure of that delicious, warm gooey mac & cheese so every time you go to the bathroom it becomes a chore.

Mintes pass, but they feel like hours. Your skin is crawling, you're resisting the urge to punch the wall next to you and yell "shuuuuuut uuuuuuuuup!!!" Maybe you want to be more polite and use some of the blood coming from your eye sockets to write a note on some toilet paper and pass it over..the note would simply read "Please stop"

But you just endure it.

more time passes....

Finally you are finished pooping! You are free to escape from this droning auditory drivel! You have a renewed appreciate for your freedom to walk away from annoying people! You revel in your empty bladder and undisturbed earholes. Life is beautiful! Take good care of your earholes! Make sure to eat lots of fiber so you don't hurt your asshole when you're pooping! and always carry a pair of earbuds so you can listen to some tunes if you're stuck on the crapper and you end up having a "very fun bathroom neighbor"...