Week 2 Update...

So far, working on my second week of improved behavour, which I personally think I am doing alright in.

I have had no outbursts against Mixy, and have been snuggling up to him more even.

(Not sure if he's really enjoying that bit yet, but it has been helping me personally.)

There have been some small things that I have noticed that also help me, considering that I do hope I can be back in his arms soon enough.

I won't go into full detail as to what some of those things are, but I am being inspired to continue improving myself by these things. Some of which have been mild responses from Mixy.

Yes, he won't say he loves me, and I don't blame him.

However, he whimpers when I tell him I love him - like he wants to say something, just unsure of if he should.. or what to say.

I am aware that I may have to wait till next month before I get a final answer from Mixy as to whether or not he is in love with me and if he wants me back. As of now, the ball is entirely in his court.

I am in love with him, and have had the feeling that something has made him feel threatened, I do hope that whatever it is... is not coming from me at all.

I do wonder how he feels and do worry about his well being a lot.. I cannot stop thinking about him.. even when I'm at work.

He has been away from his computer a bit more, perhaps from me being better.. and/or that "threat" he may be feeling.

I do have hopes of being his once more, and those hopes help me stay strong from day to day and week to week.

If he does take me back, I can go from my semi-happy (content) state to true happiness.

For those of you unaware.

Mixy and I had been together for over 5 years. We were a cute and very happy couple for most of it.

Only in the past year or two, some things came up.. and fears fed by me being burned by Steeltael were dug out of a grave I thought I buried well... Those fears led to my behavour going drastically downhill.

I have started many fights over very stupid, childish, and selfish reasons, and even caused Mixy pain and suffering.

I had begun to fail to respect him as a person, and as my mate.

It did take him breaking up with me to see my faults, and to see that this bevauor is completely wrong, uncalled for, and made me a total ass.

Therefore, I decided this behavour had to STOP, and I had to break out of that evil cycle.

It was at this point, that my true feelings for Mixy returned to me. Which included my true, unconditional, and undying love for him.

Has Mixy hurt me?

Yes -- He has broken my heart, and has caused me pain and discomfort prior to breaking my heart.

But I forgive him for all those things, and have high hopes of a long future with him. His return to me will help mend that broken heart, and provide me that true happiness.

Also, if (and I do hope when) he comes back to me, it will confirm that he really is mine -- and that nothing and noone could ever truly come between us. Though if he didn't come back to me, I will be hurt, but I would understand why. Though if I cannot have him back, I cannot do what I did with Steel. I may have to move back to WA.

I do hope he can forgive me for all the ill I have caused him, and eventually find his way back to me.

The decision is Mixy's on if he wants me as his or not, the ball is in his court.

But one thing that keeps me strong, and smiling, right now - my Guradians have told me to be ready for a pleasant surprise. While I am unsure what this surprise may be, I am now sure that everything does happen for a reason.

I do feel like Mixy and I share something special, something deep. Deeper than the flesh and mind.

That is why my one big promise to him - that I will wait for him in solitude (after I cross over) - will never change. No matter what, I will wait for him there... even if he never shows.

I do not need your pity.

I want your support to help me learn from my past and my mistakes, and to help me continue to grow and better myself.

I hope to grow, to earn his love back, and to lead a long - and happy life with him, without any more of these issues.