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Christmas-The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year? by Mschill3
Christmas is not wonderful for everyone. For some Christmas only brings reminders of how impoverished they are, how lonely they are, memories of abuse, thoughts of who they have lost…
As long as I can remember I dreaded the Christmas Season. It brought me fear and stress. The reason is that Christmas had to be perfect in our family. The expectations were high, the verbal/emotional abuse escalated, no matter how much money you did or did not have you were expected to purchase an abundance of gifts.
Then in the spring of 1987 I received news that I would, at last, have a wonderful Christmas. I was informed that I was pregnant with my first child. I was elated. What was even more exciting was that my baby was due to be born on Christmas Day. Becoming a mother was my lifelong dream...someone I could love and care for with every ounce of my being.
Somewhere around Thanksgiving of that year I had a dream in which my child was born on December 22. The next morning I called my cousin and excitedly told her that I had a dream in which my baby was born on her son’s birthday.
When December 22 rolled around I was scheduled for an appointment with my obstetrician. Upon examining me he concluded that the pre-examplia which I had been suffering with had become too severe to even wait three more days and he decided he needed to break my water and send me directly to the hospital. My son was born at 9:37 pm on December 22, 1987. One of the two best days of my life!
I should have been baking a birthday cake and making a birthday dinner today. Instead I ate an omelette and toast alone.
Today would have been my oldest son’s 31st birthday; however, on May 11, 2014 my son took his own life.
Instead of celebrating I have memories going through my mind...both bitter and sweet. What was once the happiest date of my life is now terribly difficult for me to get through.
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Thank you for your kind words! I can relate to the loss of your grandma. I was very close to all four of my grandparents and, of course, at my age, they have all crossed over by now. I myself am old enough to be a grandma! I was particularly close to my maternal grandparents. My grandma was my rock and my consoler. She is pure and unconditional love and beauty. I miss her physical presence so much and Christmas is not the same without her.
BTW, in Ohio we call those peanut butter balls Buckeyes! Big favorite in my family, especially with the men.
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Pyra Jya-Luquay
Sorry to hear about the loss of your son, but I can relate...
I was born in 1986, so I'm not much older than your son would've been. I grew up in a poor family. My father (whom I work with now) used to do all he could to make ends meet. Being a tradesman, his paychecks were generally inconsistent (ranging from okay to only moderately decent). We were constantly behind on bills and this caused both my parents much aggravation, especially around the holidays when they wanted to give my sister and I the best Christmas possible. We didn't get much, but usually did get the one or two specific things we wanted. We were taught to be always grateful because other people have it worse.
On the flipside, my family has had our share of losses over the years. My late-grandma passed away two days after my birthday back in 2015. This was a devastating blow to me because I was very close to her, even serving as her impromptu caretaker periodically in the last few years of her life. I loved her dearly. She was a strong woman too, refusing to go into a nursing home up to her dying day. The holidays aren't the same without her and take a particularly bad toll on my psyche because I know she's gone and never coming back (I have mild depression, so it weighs pretty badly on my conscience even now). Though I've gotten used to the fact she's gone, I don't think I'll ever really get over it since she was around well into my adult life. This time of year, she'd always make her signature peanut butter balls (peanut butter dipped in chocolate). My mother still makes them as per our family tradition, but it's not the same without grandma and we all know it... >_<;