The "Friend-Zone" by FayV

Ported over from furaffinity so people can fav and what not.

I am so tired hearing about the friend zone, I'm rather tired listening to "nice" guys whine about how they keep getting friend-zoned. It is just sad really.

First off, guys, women do intentionally "friend-zone" people (guys, girls, hyper-intelligent shades of blue, whatever they're into) this is not to be a cruel but rather, and this might shock you, not everyone wants to be in a relationship with someone they don't know. They want to be friends first and if you guys really are compatible maybe more. If not, heck you still got a good friend.

The other issue is guys, girls, hyper-intelligent shades of blue, you need to actually be clear about what it is you want. If you ask to hang out with someone, they will think you want to hang out. If you want to actually go out with someone ASK THEM OUT. suck it up and actually ask them out.

I have met guys that have a terrible habit where they want to hang out, and ask to hang out but really want to go on a date. The problem is they ask in such a way that they aren't told no, because it's hanging out. Yes, you might get rejected and that blows, but you got to handle that.

Unless you expect to date Jean Grey you need to be clear what your intentions are, and if you do have a crush on Jean Grey, you have bigger problems like laser eyes and getting attacked by the brotherhood of evil.

Point is, he clear up front. if you want to date then say so.

Sometimes you will get rejected, sometimes they won't be interested and will just want you as a friend. Get over it. If you want to be friends be friends. If you don't move on. Don't be friendly then secretly pissy because he/she/it/them aren't interested in a relationship with you.

Anyway the final part is the harshest and the hardest to balance. Sometimes it's you.

Those that matter in your life should accept who you are, and relationships should be supportive, but don't expect someone to want to take care of you.

Most people aren't looking for a dependent. You can get a cat for that. If you are looking for a relationship and keep getting turned down then it's time to look inward. Often you just haven't found the right type yet, that's fine, but if you're jobless, no prospects, living on a couch, or otherwise expect the person to make up for that and work hard for you...that won't happen.

People don't go into something expecting to hold someone else up.

There is the saying that you will find love when you stop looking. that's because people that do that have to learn to be okay with themselves and need to hold themselves up. They learn to be comfortable and independent, and when you do that then you will find someone that you can help up as they help you up.

If you want a relationship you need to be able to bring something to the table and being "friendly" isn't enough for that sort of commitment.

Now, all that being said. there are bitches out there that tease people and string them along. They get people to do things for them while promising that maybe if they complete this quest they'll go out. These are bitches, they are not worth your time.

If there's someone doing this to you, no matter how hot or interesting, get the fuck out. Not worth it.

The "Friend-Zone"

FayV

6 May 2013 at 14:38:13 MDT

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  • Link

    Yey!

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    Why are relations so important to people is something I'll never understand...

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    Sounds like you've been hit on a dusin times? I agree though. People do seem to want to be in a relationship just to have someone who'll please them on no conditions. I've never had a relationship with anyone and I do not intend to because I just can't take it serious when anyone asks me for it. Not in the furry fandom. I don't really think people realize what love is about. They just either want the title "taken/mated" or they seek for someone to comfort and pity them. Keep posting journals like these where one can actually think into it and discuss it. :)

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      Yeah, unfortunately in the fandom people are rather young and go about things like highschoolers or even college kids are significantly bad at relationships. there's a reason people don't settle down until later in life. I've had plenty of guys in the fandom interested, but it's always long distance and in the end they didn't have the resources or maturity to make it work.

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        Unfortunately in today's world and the way most people socialize in it, Long distance relationships seem to be more common place then local ones. I agree with what you said mostly here too. I have been in several relationships that when things ended because of whatever reasons they went to the mentality of "If I can't have you I don't want to know you" attitude rather then have a really good friend to stick with them through things.

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    i dont enjoy long distance relationships... i need contact.

    me and my girlfriend found each other completly at random and we are pretty happy together (one of our mutual friends had us meet and it happened)

    fandom relationships work for a while, but they fall apart most of the time (i know for expierance)

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      I'm not sure what this has to do with the journal itself.

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    Fay,

    Thanks for the extremely well written article. I've also friend zoned people, and some keep pushing the issue of making statements like, "Why not?"

    I believe the main root of the problem though just stems from the audience which the furry fandom attracts. There's a reason I'll only even consider dating furries who are fursuiters, most of them are capable of being outgoing without being awkward social rejects. Harsh as this sounds, it's what I've noticed and what works. If someone likes introverted partners, fine but that's not for everyone.

    Good write up, thanks.

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      To be honest I see it happening a lot outside of the fandom as well. I think the furry fandom does attract people who perhaps can use some depth, but that is not unique to the fandom or any fandom. It's not unique to nerds or even a certain gender.

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    A woman wants to be friends with me. This is the most horrible thing that has ever happened!

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    Fay be friend zoning me, I'm forced to just play games with her now, UGH!