I really hate myself right now. Looking back at my past and making it all the way up to the present, I realized that I'm pretty fucked up. I've been screwing people over while I've been trying to keep up with everything and making sure that I'm able to do things for others, when I can't even help myself. I'm constantly reminded of the things my ex has taught or said to me and realized that he was right. Maybe I should have listened to him, but being the stubborn fool that I was...I ignored him. I look at myself in the mirror and what do I see? Obviously not a person. No..of course there wouldn't be a person there. I don't know what the hell I see when I look into the brown orbs that stare back at me. They're empty..or rather...Some type of void. I hate looking at myself. I hate the things that constantly go on in my head. I hate dreaming. I hate trying to believe. I hate wishing...wanting...What right to I have to deserve anything anymore?

I know sorry won't cut it, but that's all I can really say. I'm sorry for those I've hurt, looked over, or screwed over. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused..For being complicated...I'm sorry for everything. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm back at the starting line again, but just who the hell am I trying to race again?

I woke up six different times and felt dead-shit tired. Tossed my favorite jacket. Now my body's exposed. I can still see what's left of the scar I got when I was stabbed in the arm. Faint scars from all the cuts I've made, or what's left of them. Most of the cuts and bruises I've had are damn near gone now because my body wants to be a fucktard and heal itself 24/7. My heart is stable, but the beat is low and I can barely feel it.

I don't think I'm even thinking straight right now. All I can think of is the word sorry. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry."

"I'll do better next time. I can do it. I'll do this..I'll do that..I want to be this and that...I want...I will..I'll do...I am..."

Breaking apart right now. God, I really hate myself.