I am looking for understanding and helpful advice. This journal is not intended to be a pity party.
There are people I really like, people/users/artists that I admire a lot and wish I could and certainly want to collaborate with and get art with, which is not a crime! Except I feel like I've annoyed them (either by being too whiney in the past- I admit, I need to work on that, or I've been too persistent in trying to contact them, or by "forcing my kinks" on them- which to be honest they completely and entirely could have said NO).
Now these users and artists haven't told me off or been mean or rude to me in anyway, they haven't blocked me as far as I am aware, and I see that they read my messages when I ask how they are doing, or when I say something trying to be conversational, but they do not reply.
It's a very one sided conversation.
It feels like they ignore me, and I (am so concerned) feel like they just want me to "get the message" that they would rather I leave them alone, and that is a really hard struggle for me to accept. Do I ask if that's what they want? I just want some clarity.
As much as it would hurt a lot to be told to leave them alone, at least I would know.
This gray middle area of not knowing really sucks.
I respect these users and I would not want to make them mad. Please just tell me you want me to go away and I will.
I'd much rather be told to go away, than be blocked.
Does anyone else have any helpful tips or suggestions? Am I being unreasonable or silly? Does anyone else feel like this?
I am looking to grow here, to improve my social skills and recognize boundaries and what other people want.
I really value communication, and clarity, details. I want to understand in the best possible way.