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I'm so angry at myself... or was, but I know why. by TheOtherEliArts2001

I can't live up to my own expectations. Every time I promise to finish something, I take over 10 days to finish it. Every time I try to put effort into making something, my hands can't conjure up something good. Every time I get my hopes up too much, I let myself down and I feel guilty about it.

In my personal life, I'm always very anxious anxious over trivial things. It affects my mood in such a negative way, and sometimes it causes me to get mad for no reason. It's damaging me, and it shouldn't, but it is.

When I'm stressing over too many things, I feel like if I tell my family they will just pass it off as something nothing and will never want to take me seriously. Although surprisingly when I do talk to them about it, it actually improves my mood. My parents, my mother in particular, is very understanding when it comes to these subjects. But during that period of time when when I'm so stressed out, I don't think rationally. And that can sometimes cause me to do things that I regret.

I know this journal is nothing but angst. If you want me to take it down, fine. But I just felt like I wanted to say something. I wish I just had someone who I could talk to without having a near anxiety attack over nothing.

I'm so angry at myself... or was, but I know why.


23 April 2018 at 01:17:04 MDT

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    aw, it makes me sad to see others having the same problem as me. I don't think this journal is angst, it feels good to get stuff off your chest sometimes. The things you don't slowly suffocate you, but i hope you feel better

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      Thanks for the reassurance. And your right, it does feel good to get a few things off your chest every now and then. I just have a sort of emotional fragility that I'm still trying to overcome. And it can get pretty bad.
      I actually just had a bit of a rough evening today and I'm still cooling down from that. But I am getting better for now. Thanks for commenting on this.

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        No problem, ironically i have the same problem so i have your back :3

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    I kinda get how you feel. I'm a horrible chronic procrastinator. I think I've gotten better, but unless there's a solid deadline (and even then), I'll take my sweet time in getting around to whatever it was... I really hate that, but it's a habit that's really hard to break.

    Have you ever actually experienced your family ignoring your concerns? I can understand if it's happened one too many times, but if not, then there's no reason to keep things bottled up. It's so much easier to say "Just do the thing," and a million times harder to actually do it. Again, been there, experienced that.

    Either way, keep on keeping on! You'll find your way.