Tonight my mind has been drifting on wondering what my point is in life/being here again. A spot I was at back in 2006 and to the very first pic I had put up on FA HERE.  While not depressed like I was then, the confusion and aimless feeling on what my point is in life or what want out of life has returned and very strong. 

This Jack comic strip, featuring my Sir Kain in there (as Sir Eric in the Jack world as there already was a Kain in there) kick-started the mood, especially near the very end of the strip where Eric finds the queen they were sent to find.  Link to is it HERE but bear in mind it gets graphic and driprat is very good at writing/drawing stuff to jerk your emotions around. but worth a read.

Two parts near the end hit me and got me thinking.  first line was: " The Queens apology bothered Sir Eric. He certainly did not see himself as an angel.  But many times we do not chose the parts we play in Gods plan." for me this reminds me of my internal struggle to see myself as a good person, or as good as a lot of others seem to see me as. shrug Will I ever resolve that? I dunno. 

The other at very last page: "And, as for Sir Eric, he still resides in Hell, never allowing the notion of forgiveness to enter his mind.  I feel like he is waiting. Waiting for that same feeling he felt when the queen mistook him for an angel. The feeling of being an instrument in Gods greater plan."  That... hit. I cant say for the religious side of it, but it still hit. and I'm going "yep." on how I've been feeling for most of my life when I read that.

So I don't really know what to do or make of it, but at least I got something I can point myself and others to n how I have been feeling about myself for a long time, when depression and other things are gone (and for now they are, relax. not suicidal or anything).  Wanted to write this out before I forgot or go too fuzzy on the details.If got any input, would like to hear. 
 
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