I managed to stream a total of 38 hours out of the 48 I set to have total over the weekend, but at the end of the weekend, one of my idols, ThaRixer, a Ratchet and Clank Speedrunner that tries his best to work through his own trouble and to provide kind words, banned me from his Discord and stream simply for "not willing to change."
If this is how you're going to write someone off just cause my burden is too much, and to even have the audacity to think that trying in your best efforts to help me and failing was stopping your own personal growth as a speedrunner and a streamer? If you choose to not understand, you will be as cold as the rest of the world.
Worst part is, he saved a girl's life from jumping from a pedestrian overpass just as I started to follow his stuff. I looked up to that for guidance, but they hated my burden the more time dragged on that my official supports kept being a waiting game. Mob mentality meant his moderators ganged up on me to paint me as "stubborn and unchangeable." and as that image grew within their community, it made their ban completely just due to the fact my illness was still not fixed.
This is why I don't want to go back to social meets cause this will keep happening. I need to isolate myself from the world and enter a bubble where nothing can hurt me, cause the world is so cold and uncaring.
After this, I'm going to stop involving myself and actively participating in communities, cause I am fully a burden to the world.
13 March 2018 at 03:01:01 MDT