I would argue that isolation is exactly what you do NOT need. Because like anyone else, you are never truly alone. With no one else around, the only ones left to keep you company are the voices in your own mind, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you what malicious bastards they can be. Granted, there are few things worse than having a real person "confirm" what those voices are saying, as you are well aware. But, the voices don't ever contradict themselves, do they? Other people, however, just might.

While you don't want to hear this, I'm sure, there IS a grain of truth in how they described your status. I've been trying to stay in contact and keeping an eye on what you post for a while now and to be honest, I feel there is a certain part of you, deep down in your subconscious perhaps, that....well I won't necessarily say "enjoys" being broken but clearly finds some comfort in the familiarity of it. You have allowed yourself to become wrapped up in your affliction. You define yourself by it. You identify yourself through it. It's all about perspective. You and your affliction are separate entities but I'm not sure that you see that. You don't see yourself apart from your affliction and you don't see your affliction as anything other than an inescapable part of yourself. It's not.

I guess the best analogy I can come up with off the cuff is the difference between "I have a bit of excess weight," and "I am fat." One acknowledges a problem as a separate issue they face, while the other identifies themselves as inseparable from the problem. In that sense you become "unchangeable" simply because you, in your own mind, will not allow yourself to see your affliction as something that CAN change. Put simply, you do not allow yourself any hope. There IS hope, things CAN change, you CAN overcome this affliction. But the first step to doing that is realizing that it CAN be done, and I'm not sure you've allowed yourself to consider that possibility.

And in a way, I get it. It's easier. I know, that sounds crazy. "Nothing about this is easy" you're probably saying right now. Didn't say it was "easy." I said it was "easier." It's easier to face uncomfortable situations when you can blame it on the affliction. There's no accountability. You don't even have to try to make things work because when it all falls apart you can fall back on that safety net and say "it's all my disease's fault." And I feel like you're scared, terrified even, of what might happen if you did kick this condition and a social situation still didn't go the way you hoped. Couldn't blame the disease anymore. can't play the victim card anymore.

Now, please understand that I'm not saying that's how you look at it. I am not saying you consciously go into social situations with the thought of "if they don't like me or if I blow it and piss them off, I can just blame it on my condition." But on a subconscious level you are still clinging to that safety net. If things get to hard you fall back on that rather than trying harder. Being social isn't easy for a lot of people, even without diseases, afflictions, or conditions holding them back. Some people simply are not the social type. Doesn't mean they don't enjoy social gatherings, it just doesn't come easy to them. The disease becomes a crutch you lean on. And you need to let that go.

You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You need to stop finding your identity in "being a burden."

Stop the pity party.

I'm telling you this as someone who WANTS to see you improve, who WANTS to see you get better, who WANTS to see this burden lifted from you. YOU have to do something about it. Nobody else can do it for you. Nobody else can wave a magic wand and make it go away. You have to be willing and committed to taking the steps necessary to breaking free. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, it will be scary. Yes, it will be unfamiliar. It will challenge you. It will hurt. It will be confusing. But that's exactly why you need to do it. All those obstacles are keeping you locked in this frame of mind you're in right now, because where you're at may not be good, but it's still comfortable in its familiarity. It's like being in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. Been beaten down and broken so many times you start to think this is the best you're meant for, that you're nothing without your abuser, that it's all your fault and should count yourself lucky they're even there at all. Convinced you can't have anything else, much less anything better, so you cling to the abuse. Change is scary. Get over it and make the change happen anyway.