Feeling unwell, desiring a very specific solution, but only being able to obtain it through means you would rather not be associated with. This goes hand in hand with my "Monitoring my own well being" journal.

To explain, I should note that it used to be very easy to get me preoccupied with an activity. That's not so very true these days, and it brings me suffering on that I feel a lack of interest in things once greatly enjoyed.

In only a span of less than 10 minutes, I went through an inane chain of thoughts centered around what is and isn't worthwhile, which all pooled into feelings of unexplained anger. I took some deep breaths, drank some water, and snacked on a few cheese squares and snack crackers from a vegetable plate. I found myself checking up on my family members...when I'm the one most involved with adverse feelings. I asked my sister to postpone her PS3 gaming session. She didn't mind, but I felt bad for asking. She happily obliged.

This feeling isn't completely unfounded, but it is very frivolous. I need to calm down, and engage in something monotonous. That may sound unappealing to many folks, but it's honestly a means to peace for me. I believe there should be more monotony in life. It can teach us to pace ourselves, and appreciate everything more so.

I don't know if these posts have become quite the bother, as I've recently lost a single follower, but I do this in wanting to leave behind a notation of my state of being that others can analyze, for whatever purpose. That's probably a foolish venture, but it's better than clamming up and isolating myself. Gone are the days of complete separation from peers in the most immediate sense, but I hope this isn't annoying.