I've got to find some other way of dealing with onrushes of these negative bouts of energy. Yeah getting it out on a journal is fine and all, it helps venting and clearing it out of my system, then I go back and look at things the next day and I'm like: "What was I thinking?
The common thing I've seen out of similar times is I feel much better the following morning and like I've had a good rest, clearly a much needed rest. I do not think I would write that kind of stuff if I was more aware of myself in those times of negativity and tired desperation.
The best thing I can do about it I guess is to first of all sleep, and second of all to just keep vent journals to a minimum and try not to make them a regular thing. Thank goodness for people who can slap some reality back into me and address my behavior.
I have all my basic needs looked after, I am lucky to have loyal and strong friends who stand by me even when I am a mess. I have people who want to know me better. I need to be more grateful.
There is nothing I should be complaining about; I don't deserve any of these things and these people are still here, so I need to show some gratitude hardcore and do more positive things to help other people.