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Past mistakes and learning by Kalmor
I don’t know if this applies to absolutely everyone but at least for me there are points and events I think back on that happened a long while ago where, at the time, I felt absolutely impassioned and determined that I was doing the right thing for the right reasons, but in hindsight, I feel quite embarrassed about every single one of those moments. Believe me there are many. Some way back, some a couple of years ago.
More often than not it’s the short sightedness of it all, convinced that I was right and doing drastic things as a result that may – and have - deeply affected other people. At the time I thought of those sorts of affects on other people, if I ever thought of it at all, as collateral damaged required to achieve the wider goal or agenda. The greater good. This attitude is obviously not wise in every case, especially when it is stated so simply.
I wouldn’t ascribe the feeling as regret, or at least some of it. I do regret the stress and emotional hurt that I have caused other people as a by product of some of the stuff I got myself involved in. You could say my sense of empathy was not fully developed being so young and so lacking in life experience, although sometimes I think that’s just an excuse I tell myself. I don’t know if I should be the judge of that.
Nowadays I think I’m a lot more laid back, or rather more of a “not caring about petty crap” sort of attitude. Small insignificant annoyances that would have pissed me off and set me off on a rant before now just make my roll my eyes and sigh. There’s a lot more to life that my younger brain was ignorant to.
I do believe I’ve caused more damage and hardship to myself than actual progress towards what I wanted then. In every situation.
One thing I can at least take away from this is that now I know. Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way, through our mistakes. There is no textbook you can study for life, personal relationships and how to deal with social situations.
I dunno, just rambling,
- Kal
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Yeah exactly that. There's always some backstory or path that someone has taken to do (or not do applies here too) something or get themselves in some sort of situation. It's so tempting to take things at face value and be so reactionary to it. An overreaction.
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Glaringfeline
I can relate to an extent with doing something you believe is good but actually hurts others, although I only have one instance I can remember. Someone in high school said some pretty hurtful things to a friend of mine and she was crying, so I confronted him and even though I can't remember exactly what I said, whatever I said actually brought him to tears and he has never spoken to me since then. I thought I was doing the right thing by standing up for my friend, but he told me he said what he did as a joke and she took it as an attack. I don't regret confronting him about it, but I do regret being as abrasive as I was. I don't know if what I did may have had a lasting effect on him and I hope it didn't. I learned my lesson though; I've had to confront plenty of people since then and I keep it civil the first time I have to talk to someone, I don't default to being aggressive like I did before.
The closest one can get to a way to "study" life is to listen to stories from people that have more life experience than us and be receptive to their advice. Their situations won't be the exact same as ours, but if they went through something similar it can help us decide the best course of action.