So the nurse practitioner and I decided to keep me on the "as needed" stuff for anxiety and see how I do on just that.

Also, I'm working with my therapist and his supervisor, who approves diagnoses, to get a more accurate diagnosis for my condition.

Some of you might know that as a very young child I was diagnosed with ADD and for years I thought it wasn't true because of the horrendous reaction I had to Ritalin.

It turns out that bad reactions to Ritalin aren't that uncommon among people with ADHD. That, and sensory processing issues/misophonia which has always been an issue for me are a common feature of ADHD. And like a lot of people with ADHD, I never had the social/communication deficiencies associated with an autistic spectrum disorder.

ADHD presents differently for different people. I can get a little fidgety but usually only if I'm very agitated. My deficiency is mainly in sticking to repetitive tasks, paying attention to droning voices, getting easily bored, and having a hard time staying properly organized. My boredom/inattention intensifies when it's something I'm not interested in, which is why when I've tried to learn marketable skills instead of studying the things I really care about I've bombed hard. But my interests aren't as restricted, prescribed, stereotyped, and highly-specific as someone with autism. I have lots of interests in a broad array of topics, and I thrived in a social sciences major because I had so many interests in the field of the humanities that I couldn't really bring myself to choose one and stick with it.

I've told my therapist that I strongly suspect the initial diagnosis of ADHD was correct. And if I can get that in my chart then a big piece of the puzzle toward helping me get support with the occupational problems this causes will finally be in place. Up until now as an adult my diagnoses have been primarily focused on depression and anxiety, but even when I've had those under control I've still had trouble and a big part of recovering from those is getting out of the cycle of frustration brought on by these attention problems.

The next step will be providing information from assessments I had in 1989, 1993, 1999, and 2012 so that my therapist and his supervisor can go over the data. Thankfully I have a long case history to fall back on and my parents kept most of my records from when I was a kid.

Guys, I just wanna say that for once I think I'm going to be OK. I'm still anxious, but I think I've nearly got this figured out. You're going to see me at my very best soon. Thanks to everyone who didn't throw your hands up and give up on me.