Well, I'll start with the good news. My tablet came today and I got a bunch of junk mailed out.

Ok here's the bad news cause I know you guys are probably wondering.

Well, I was denied for bariatric surgery because of my mental health. I'm pretty sure the psych I went to for the letter fucked it up because they sent a 15-page thing and the Surgeon said I wasn't fit for surgery because of it. I believe the psych wanted me to pay out of pocket for more therapy :/ Which my insurance doesn't seem to cover.

The surgeon mentioned that my weight seems to have been the same for several years 330lbs. It's barely changed which is interesting. Also, my air mattress has a tiny hole in it because my old woman cat climbs instead of hops so I'm gonna find the hole and patch it. Then get pet stairs for kitty so her life is easier.

This was a pretty heavy blow to my self-esteem and a lot of other things. As for why I sleep on an air mattress is because every bed I get breaks due to my weight and well as you can see....

I do have some more good news. My insurance covers the Silver Sneakers program which means I'm able to go to gyms that support the program for free and my dad said he'll diet and exercise with me so I'm not alone.

My mom told me to eat what I always eat but less which is fair enough. I just feel kind of lost right now. Not suicidal or hopeless just kind of floating around if that makes sense and yes I did cry. It was such a hard blow to me after all the effort and work I put into getting that far...

I feel kind of numb if that makes sense. Just numb. I'm mostly ok, though. I got a lot done that I'm proud of so there's that. Still cleaning but I got my new tablet and I'm gonna finish the raffle prizes I owe asap.

My weight causes a lot of issues but my vitals are perfect which is nice but I don't know how. We're gonna see if I can get an appetite suppressor from the doc though.