Where have I been, and what have I been doing?... I always regret doing these disappearing acts, but I need them to recharge my creative, mental, and emotional batteries. Normally, this is a month or two where I withdrawal from the world, and reorganize my thoughts, and my spirit. Drain off the negative energy and mental clutter I pick up as I go through life.

This time however, was because of the build up to the election. The electoral process is stressful enough in a normal year, but this time was truly messed up. I figured I would get my head together once the elections were over... Then “it” happened.

Suddenly, the rose colored glasses of believing the cultural stone ages bigotry, and racism were coming to an end were ripped from my eyes. That we were a culturally progressive nation, and nothing could take that away. The morning of November the 9th I woke up in a dystopian reality of hate, and willful ignorance inspired by lies, and misplaced fears. That the once enlightened culture I was apart of was nothing more then a dream.

I was left betrayed by friends, family, and my fellow Americans. Half the country had supported a Fascist... The blood of my grandfather (who charged Normandy on D-day to over throw what was the greatest of evils in his time), was for nothing. As the evil of Fascism now sits in wait to take its place as President of the country that my Grandfather once served.

Now I sit in stunned disbelief of the world around me. My nights are consumed with nightmares, and my days are consumed with worry. I no longer feel I have a home country, as “This” is not the country I have lived in. I now question my assessments of each and every person I talk to now (are they who I think they are, or are they a racist, a bigot, a homophobe, a white supremacist, are they a bully, etc?).

I watch in helplessness with each of the appointment the president-elect makes, democracy dies, and the unwillingness of the congress and senate to resist. No they are dancing in the isles as now their dreams of greed, control, and oppression are about to be made real. I watch helpless as day by day the hopes of saving the environment before its to late, die. I watch tearfully as day by day civility dies...

I wait for the inevitable news that a friend or friends have been hurt, or killed, or that I will be attacked for a way of expressing ones self as a fur, for a way of thinking, for a way of living, or for even existing. I am reliving my youth in the south where I was bullied relentlessly and beat up for being “Different”, for being an artist, for drawing anthropomorphic animals. You don't know what it is to live everyday in fear, true fear. I left that world behind once I got out of school, and have lived at peace for many years. Until November 8th. Now I am feeling that oppressive, and dark world all around me once more.

So, I am left a mess. I will produce art again, its a part of who I am. Just for the moment I am to messed up to find my muse. Please be patient with me.