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How To Talk To People You Are Shy To Talk To by ilbv

Few days ago I met someone who will go by the name of "JJ" as that is how he introduced himself. He seemed to be a fan of my work and was nervous to talk with me, and I for some reason took a liking to him and his questions, so I went along with them, respectfully answered questions and awaited new ones. I found it funny this nervous person wanted to interview me as a way of getting to know me.

Tonight(today its 5:40am) I got a blurb from them asking me how to better talk to people online, and I started to write a reply and I thought and thought and kept writing, more and more and I was surprising myself at my own advice and suggestions and thoughts and became really amazed at all I was typing out. I began to think "This is journal material right here". Also because I don't want to forget or lose this in the bowels of archives and unsorted internet space. I need this acquirable by those who need or want it, those who can also relate and understand.

After I finished the reply I began to construct this journal here and am now going to just compile our entire conversation. You can read it all or in part for your own entertainment, but the real juicy soul, the main point of this journal I will specify below. For now here is our interaction from the very start:

Sept 3, 2016
ME
Thanks so much for watching me! What interested you in my gallery?

Sept 3, 2016
JJ
Hey Ilbv, I'm honestly really surprised you responded! :) Well, guess a bit of an intro before I continue, I, too, am a human, how ya doin? Just call me JJ! Well, I guess my first contact was actually a few years ago, I had stumbled across the furry fandom through... Actually, through you I think! I had always heard furrys were sexed crazed whackos (and indeed, there are quite a few...) but what you wrote showed me there was more to it than that! I was going through some teenage angst and depression at the time, but reading the things you wrote made me feel happy and tingly! The vore stuff, i'll be honest, isn't my cuppa tea, but I enjoy the close bonds you have with... Well, everyone! You didn't have mates, you weren't a booty call, you were a very close friend to all of those predators as you call them! (you say pred, I say guardian, though you do too oftentimes.) Um... So, long story short, I just kinda stumbled on your profile by accident when I was trying to Google comforting things after a particularly rough day! You helped me cheer up! Not to mention I was (and still am ^_^') pretty envious of you and the friendships you've gained.
Sorry, I prattle on! I would like to keep talking to you, if you don't mind! I've always wanted to talk, but I was never quite sure how to strike up a conversation. ("Omigleh what do I say I'm so nervous he's a freakin' celebrity I'll just get tongue tied akzianwldgdiaks dmfjskabdnfhxjzbanakdhfosbej-")

Sept 5, 2016
JJ
Sorry, that last post was a bit of a mess... Nothing but a run sentence basically. I'm usually more level headed, but... Well, I repeat, you are a bit of a celebrity in my eyes! I hope I didn't scare you off! If you have any questions, let me know.

Sept 5, 2016
ME
x) you certainly had a lot to say! I bet it feels nice to get it off your chest.

Sept 5, 2016
JJ
Haha, yeah, again, I wasn't sure how to talk to you, not to mention wasn't sure what to say! X) But it's really cool to get to talk now! How are ya?

Sept 6, 2016
ME
Doing fine, quite busy.

Sept 6, 2016
JJ
I can imagine! :) Mind if I ask with what? New story, work, university? (Sorry if this seems kinda random, but you seem nice, so I thought I'd try striking up a conversation, maybe become an acquaintance...!)

Sept 8, 2016
ME
Lots of work and personal life stuff. Been dabbling at new stories and drawings, lots to post, sort, draw, trade, color, organize, sort. Its a hodgepodge of things to be done. Its hard to make time for people who want to talk with me, and even harder to keep conversations going with my friends both in real life and online.

Sept 8, 2016
JJ
Ah, I gotcha. Need me to cease communication? :)

Sept 8, 2016
ME
That's up to you

Sept 9, 2016
JJ
Haha, well I'd like to keep talking, but if responding is just too much of a bother for you, that's totally fine! :]

Sept 9, 2016
ME
It isn't a bother, I just don't know what you want to talk about.

Sept 11, 2016
JJ
That... Is a good question. I didn't even know you were going to respond, so this was kinda spur of the moment fan-attack. But, I took some time, evaluated the situation, and I have determined I just want to get to know you and how you got started. Puts on reporters glasses So, my first two questions: What got you started writing and how did you meet your friends, like Jett for instance? (Follow up question: Your favorite color?)

Sept 12, 2016
ME
Heh, okay. I started writing after I read stories I really liked and wanted them to be about me, so I made my own and then started writing them for other people, after a while that took too long and I wanted to get pictures instead so I started to draw more. I met Jett because I saw his character and fell in love, so I asked him if I could write him a story and he loved it so much, and since then we are best friends. Favorite color is Orange, thus why I wear it all the time.

Sept 12, 2016
JJ
writing furiously and nodding Is writing something you want to make a career out of, or is it more in the side? Who or what do you draw inspiration from if that's applicable?

Sept 12, 2016
ME
Just a hobby. I get inspiration from my friends and interactions I have, as well as from my own experiences and fantasies and art I see and dream of.

Sept 12, 2016
JJ
Very nice, very nice... What would you say your favorite story/art that you have made would be? (random question: What is your favorite food to eat when you're super tired?)

Sept 14, 2016
ME
That's a hard one, probably some of my newer stuff just because I've become so much better over the years, but I haven't posted it yet. I like sandwiches.

Sept 14, 2016
JJ
Ooh, if you do decide to post it, I'll be very excited! What got you interested in this genre? (Furry, comfort, vore...) Have I annoyed you yet?

Sept 14, 2016
ME
Are you trying to? I got into it because I like it, always have

Sept 14, 2016
JJ
No, I swear I'm not, but it seems like I'm doing a good job anyways... Sorry...

Sept 14, 2016
ME
Really seems like you are trying to annoy me, which you aren't, but it does feel like you're digging your own grave hoping I'll pull you out xD

Sept 14, 2016
JJ
No, I swear, I really don't want to annoy you! 😫 I'm sorry, I have no idea what I'm doing! What do you usually do when you talk to new people?

Sept 15, 2016
ME
I give them a chance, or if I'm the one all shy and flustered, I hope and hope that they don't think I'm weird and will give me a chance too. Chance for what? Not sure always, sometimes its to admire their art and talk about it with them, sometimes its about their life, or to work together, or to make a story together, sometimes to be friends, there is so much really.

Sept 15, 2016
JJ
I gotcha... Yeah, I was kinda hoping to make friends, but I kinda botched that up didn't I... 😌 Sorry about that... I tend to act weird when I get excited....

Sept 16, 2016
ME
I think a lot of people do that, I certainly did. Other people just clam up and don't know what to say so they don't say anything at all

Sept 22, 2016
JJ
Like I just did? 😫 SORRY, I had no idea you responded, I didn't get any notification... Stupid phone. Well, anyway, think maybe we can try this again? A little calmly this time? 😌

Sept 23, 2016
ME
I mean its possible. You haven't annoyed me thus far so I think its safe to say you're a level headed individual and probably a good one.

Sept 23, 2016
JJ
Really, if you don't want to, PLEASE just tell me, I would understand!
So, hi, my name is JJ! (Not my real name obviously, and not the name I would a chosen, but it just kinda... Stuck.) I try to be a good person, but I don't know about level-headed... I think you have me beat on both accounts though, I haven't seen many people as patient and nice as you if your stories are any reflection of your character! 😊

Sept 23, 2016
ME
They are, and I tend to let all people have a chance. If they behave weird and creepy then they aren't worth my time. I don't see the point of that. You seem fine.

AND NOW THE PART THAT LEAD TO THE CREATION OF THIS WHOLE JOURNAL.


Sept 23, 2016
JJ
Thanks, that makes me feel better...!
...So, I've really tried to think of a tactful way of asking this without sounding whiney or desperate (digging my grave in the process), but I just can't, so I'll be blunt: Will you help me learn how to talk to people (like you) online? I'm not this awkward offline (at least I really HOPE not), but I can't use my offline conversational skills when I'm not face to face. You seem to be really good at talking to people, if your amount of friends and people who you include, and include you, in stories and artwork, what was I doing wrong that I need to do better so it's less awkward for you and others?

...in stories and artwork *is any indication, what was I doing wrong...

Sept 25, 2016
ME
Uh...Just be normal? Really when you're trying to converse with someone you are interested in you first need to understand to yourself why you are interested in that person. What do you want? There has to be a motive or reason you are reaching out to a person. So answer that question, to yourself. You don't have to share that answer with anyone, in fact Id advise against it because that would make you seem pushy and desperate or eager and that can make people uncomfortable; they will either have no interest and ignore you, or be mean back as a defensive measure. So, what do you want? Why are you talking to this person?

Most times sadly, people want art and free stuff, or someone to dump their life's problems on and get pity or attention. This isn't the case with all people, but it happens unfortunately too often these days and it is stressful and challenging to figure out who is genuine and who is an attention whore. In that same regard though, just because you make friends with people does not mean and/or allow you to be dramatically sad and depressing all the time with your friends in hopes they will cheer you up, and might rp with you or draw you something or whatever. It is exhausting to take someone else's sorrows and troubles onto your shoulders when most likely the person getting all this bad news is also having struggles of their own.

This is not always the case - It is normal and completely valid to come to your friends when you're feeling down for support and encouragement if you cant find it anywhere else. No one likes "whiney" its a serious turn-off simply as a social interaction. Especially in the reality of social sites like this, where the chances are high that you may not even know the real life person you are talking too.

We all come to sites like these to have fun and post art and stories and interact with people who share our interests: that is how you can meet and talk to people, by being genuine in your comments on art you like of a character or journal post or any kind of posting that merits feedback or can start conversation. If you want to establish any kind of connection, you have to work on it, pursue it, seek it. Chances are you will meet people who will reply back and be interested in conversation of whatever is being discussed. Other times you may get a one time reply and that's all, its at your discretion whether you decide to pursue conversation and see where it goes.

And there will be times where you might really want to chat or get to know someone and that person is just not interested back, (now obviously it is there job to tell you that kindly and politely, not rude and be an asshole about it) and it might suck and hurt your feelings, but you must respect that persons space and desire to cease contact. If you violate this, a person is likely to report you for stalking or just block you. If the person treats you like crap, then good riddance anyways. Just don't cause drama or fights, they are pointless and only lead to stress, headaches and trouble. Not worth anyone's time.

I have been in all of these positions at one time or another in my time on these websites and in the community. When I first started out I was innocent and didn't know better, I would comment on stuff and it would come off creepy and awkward or random to the person receiving my comment, which would then weird them out and push them away. What was fun and playful to me was freaking annoying and creepy to someone else. I had to learn how to socialize respectfully, and it took patience from people willing to give me a chance where I would learn, and also people who called me out and were blunt that would jolt me into the reality of my behavior.

I've been the sad depressive lump that shouldn't pour my sob stories on people and friends, and I did anyway. Its hypocritical. What I realize is, that everyone has a bad day, and everyone is allowed to express themselves how that want to, freedom of expression and all that. It's just that we drag others down, it isn't fair to them and it isn't socially acceptable. That's why "vent art" and vent or rant journals are a thing, people leave warning on the titles of post that by clicking on this you are agreeing to be exposed to someone's sadness or anger; feelings (usually negative) other than happiness and joy.

So its really trial and error. You will make mistakes, and you will learn from them, I hope. Its a journey, and everyone is still on it. I am so glad I've met people who choose to have me in their lives. I am wanted and loved and admired. Even when I have moments and days where my mind tries to tell me otherwise, or how my real life is not like my online one, I really have to battle: literally mind over matter - that no matter what, at the end of the day, I am alive, I have my basic needs, and I have friends. I may not be popular, super talented, or swimming in money, but I have achieved a lot of new skills and improved ones I already had over the course of my near 7 years here. I have a long way to go, and there will always be people who learn faster and do better than you in everything. There is always someone bigger and better. Know your place, and strive and work to get bigger and better if that's something you want to do.

It also never hurts to have a sense of humor.

So self-evaluate, test the waters, jump in, go with the flow, interact and learn. Big tip, people love getting comments, favorites are cool, but getting a comment, something to read that someone else has to say about something you posted is a small little excitement that artists and creators and people in general crave. We want to be heard and seen and appreciated. We want to get our ideas out and entertain. So make that effort, people appreciate it, and you may also make more connections and meet people.

Another good way to meet people is by joining public streams and watching artists draw and create their work, usually there are chat boxes where watchers can chat live and interact with many people at once, introducing themselves and talking generally about anything while focusing on the art being drawn or the game being streamed. It generates conversations and interactions. You wont get along with everyone; that's a given, and that's normal. Just be yourself and the people who are interested will come.


That concludes my discovery.

How To Talk To People You Are Shy To Talk To

ilbv

25 September 2016 at 04:16:17 MDT

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