I used to be a member of various Dragon Otherkin website communities online, and in 2012 I left them all. I was a member of Draconity.org, Draconic.com, Everything-Dragon.com (though technically not a Dragonkin site, there were several Dragonkin there and our presence was acknowledged as such), and for a short while the defunct Dragon-Realms forums. I went by various names, including ArsenodTheRed, Rossenod, ArsenodWyvern, Arsenod, Manasgael, Inanna Draco, and InannaWDraco. I originally left after having been permanently banned from Draconic, citing toxicity throughout the community. I held that the Otherkin community was indeed toxic for several years after I left.

However, over the last several months I've come to the realization that I was very much a part of the toxicity I cited. In fact, I would say based upon the sheer number of other Dragons I've alienated and harmed through my own arrogance, that I was a very large part of that toxicity. I didn't know back then that I was in any way in the wrong. I won't go into any details, but I was an abused child, heavily bullied and stuff like that, and over the many years of going through that kind of treatment I became paranoid of being hated. This may have been a natural response to the abuse, but it boiled over in my life where any kind of friction I encountered at all would be something I would interpret as hatred of me personally. So if someone disagreed with my on one of the finer points of some minor thing, I took heavy offense to it, because I jumped to the conclusion that they hated me. As a result of this conclusion, my responses were often vicious, arrogant, angry, and abusive beyond comprehension. And I myself never saw these things as abusive when these things were going on.

But when all your friends stop talking to you over time, even though they remain on your friend lists, you begin to wonder what's going on, and despite my paranoia about being hated I still have a deep love for the truth, and indeed I always have. And since I love the truth, well, if the truth implicates me as being in the wrong, then I want to know it so I can face it. I looked back at how I treated people, and I realized that I have been an extraordinarily negative person. And I have also been a hypocrite, because I would act out the very behaviors that I condemned in other people. All those years I thought I was in the right, and I was actually in the wrong, and it wasn't because of my beliefs about the finer points of my draconity, or my identity as the Eloah Inanna, or even my various memories of having been slain by human knights on horseback during some highly intimate moments with very close friends in past lives. Those things are matters of personal experience and being as personal as they are, they are subject to private interpretation more than anything elsed.

No, I was in the wrong becasue I saw literally every disagreement with anything I believed or said as abuse directed at me personally. I saw it as a condemnation of my very soul, and not as the honest disagreement over some minor point or detail that it actually was. I was blind to the truth, and my blindness hurt a lot of people.

So anyway, I realize now that I was wrong, and I'm sorry for what I've done. I was part of the toxicity that I so readily condemned in the Otherkin community, and now I'm trying to reconcile with the various folks I've been especially hurtful toward.

And really anything beyond this point would be pretty much useless, so I'll end this here.

-IN.AN.NA