I'm posting this for a couple of reasons. Number one, I feel that people deserve an explanation as to why I have been so quiet these past few weeks. Second, I kind of want to have a record of my thoughts and feelings so I remember them. Finally, I really just want to vent at this point.

So, some of you might know that I am looking to change jobs. My current place of employment is far below satisfactory on a lot of levels. Between the shady business practices, the fraudulent warranty claim issues (a story by itself), the lack of benefits, the low pay, and the hostile work environment, I can't think of a single reason to stay around. It's such a hostile place that I've seen someone break down and cry at their desk at least once a week for the last two months. It's no longer a question of "Will someone be crying this week? but a question of "Who's going to have a breakdown this time?"

For fucks sakes we're a flooring retail office. How the hell do things get so screwed up that putting together invoices for hardwood becomes an ordeal? I mean, today I just saw a situation where two estimates took over a week to produce because an account manager couldn't articulate what format he wanted them prepared in for our customer. He wanted them in such a special snowflake format that it was nearly impossible for him to describe what he wanted. And he only choose to mention that a special format was desired after I had spent an afternoon putting together two fifteen page invoices. The phrase, "Oh yeah I should have mentioned....." has never been more irritating. Especially sense someone else came in over the weekend and put some overtime in to get more information from the customer. Information that became irrelevant when the format changed. This situation devolved to the point where the account manager started asking me for things that were outright impossible. It took three people to explain to him that making changes to text on a .pdf wasn't something that could be done inside of five minutes with a free version of Adobe Acrobat Reader. My supervisor and I got reamed because the account manager wanted major changes after the estimate was past due. The fact that we had done exactly what was asked of us leading up to this request and the fact that key information wasn't communicated to us until after an estimate had been submitted didn't matter. This is the wonderful bullshit I'm dealing with. The guy who holds back key information gets treated like a saint and the two people that can't seem to clean up his mess fast enough (while also doing our own jobs) are in trouble.

Overall, the experience working where I currently work has taken a toll on me. I've mentioned this before but I'll say it again. I feel like this job has impacted me as a person. Having spent 8 hours a day surrounded by vindictive assholes has started to turn me into a bitter and angry person and frankly I don't like the person that I'm becoming. One of my closest friends mentioned, just the other day, that he doesn't see me smile anymore. He's got a point, I can't remember being this unhappy about something in a long time. I've noticed that I've been short with people these last few weeks, I've been angry so often that it's almost my default state at this point, and I just don't want to be this person. I don't want to be this perpetually agitated jerk.

So, if you have had contact with me in the past few weeks and I've been distant, quiet, short with you, or seemed off then I sincerely am sorry. I'm trying not to let this stuff effect me as a person but it's hard to stay positive when I'm dealing with bullshit eight hours a day. I'm working on finding a new job where I can be in a better situation. Hopefully removing the stress of a crap job will help to fix this.