It's certainly been awhile, hasn't it? I've finally got an internet connection re-established! It took a little bit to get it up and connected again due to life events here and there. Tl;dr:

1. Moved into new place June 5th, no connection
2. Grandfather died shortly after move
3. Payroll issues
4. Bank transfer issues (subsequent money issues; there was a solid week I lived on ramen and PB&J)
5. Inkie ended up having a small procedure to remove an abscess from her back, still healing up

Needless to say, since the break up a LOT has been going on. Each of those issues had it's own world of stress associated with it, and most of it wove itself into the other issues, making a whirlwind of insane levels of stress for me, and my own heartache from the breakup, and the fear of going to sleep at night (PTSD has elevated since the move, specifically revolving around going to bed or being alone outside of my normal spots I visit).

My heart has been healing despite all that's gone on, which is great. I'm not quite ready to be in a relationship yet, but there is someone that found me that I've found great joy in talking with via email during my time of no internet (apt doesn't have it, but work does). I don't know where that will go, but for now I just enjoy our communications and take delight in the fact that this person has been so willing and happy to work with my lack of internet access, and is equally happy to hear from me as I am to hear from them. Maybe they'll be a great friend, maybe a lover some day. Who knows? We'll take joy in the moment, and go from there!

Helmi, Ruth, and Bailey still need lots of behavioral work as well. All the aforementioned situations, most notably Inkie's surgery, has been pushing introductions further and further behind. Inkie is the alpha, and is very good with Ruth and Bailey. Helmi I still don't trust to interact with Inkie and Shirley yet, and Shirley is just too damn territorial to trust with any of the 'new' girls (Helmi, Ruth, and Bailey). I suspect Helmi and Shirley will have a good argument (hope to god it's not a fight) and Inkie and I will firmly remind them of just who Alpha and Momma are. I've discovered that when Ruth interacts with me, Helmi punishes her, and Helmi has gotten Bailey to be just as distrustful and fearful as she is, so it's imperative I get those two little girls in with my Shirley and Inkie ASAP. They're completely opposite when Helmi is away from them, and are receptive to my being around them and interacting with them. Helmi, my dear little girl, you need a lot of work!

All that being said, over the weeks that I've had no internet, I've had little to distract me away from the world around me. With the lost connections (breakup, lost communications with distant friends and family due to no internet, grandpa's death), I've had a great amount of time to think upon everything that I've been doing, notably what I haven't been doing. I've come to greater realization that I do NOT tend to myself, I don't NURTURE myself as I do others, I don't give myself the time of day, and toss my own self at the ass end of the line for care. I've also realized that once I'm done with work, or it's the weekend, I spend an abhorrent amount of time online, and inevitably ignoring the most important things outside myself: my rats, my family, my IRL friends. That's not right, and they deserve better than that; I deserve better than that. It's hard to 'say' it, because that means I must stick with it, but I can no longer remain a Moderator on this site or any other. I love this site, I adore it, I want it to grow and become everything I hoped from my first day joining, and I wish to see the things I hope to come into action on the site become reality, not just my wishing and hoping. Weasyl has so much potential, and I know it can continue to grow and thrive. There's a wonderful team working daily on the site to improve and to maintain things, and they work harder on this site than so many people give them credit for.

I need to take care of myself so that I may take the best care of those I love, and of those who need it. I do NOT like that I've had to make this choice, as I have taken great joy in tending to this site, but as much as I hate this choice, I must stick with it. That being said, my hours spent online will be drastically cut, but that doesn't mean I won't be around (far from it)! Those closest to me already have a lightning fast means of contacting me, but if you're outside that circle don't worry! I'll still be checking messages across my usual online haunts. Additionally, I'll still be happy to answer any of your Weasyl questions, though if the issue requires staff attention, I'll be sure to let you know (would that all make me an unofficial Weasyl ambassador? Maybe)! In summation (tl;dr) I've just got no time to devote to tending to the site as I have for several months. Perhaps my tending will just be uploading, or maybe it'll be welcoming new people, or helping out others with issues they may be having. Regardless of what I may end up doing, I'll still be around on the site.