I'm nowhere near being able to relax, but... somehow I've managed to slow down. I've somehow found a moment of peace with the swirling deadlines, and I'm not going to let it slip through my fingers. I think a lot of this calm was found through listening to ASMR videos before bed. But mostly... I think it's because I've run out of steam. I've run out of anxiety, run out of care, run out of time. I've been so caught up in what the people around me think is best, that I was trying to please everyone but myself. I had to keep going and going and going and now I've got nothing left. I don't really know what it is I want for myself, but I know it's not this. Even though everything I was doing was for my benefit, it didn't come from the right frame of mind or the right place in my heart. I don't know how to turn these things around, but I've got faith... and that's something, right?
The furry fandom is kind of an escape from this. I get to have a little bit of fun, drawing things no one outside of here will see. It's not for anyone's befit but my own sanity. When I get to see how happy it makes other people, drawing their characters I mean, the rest just all falls away.
I don't know. I'm sorry I keep running around in circles like this. I'm done pestering you for now.