Oh my little Delus. Delu is a voice that has always been within me that took on a physical manifestation when I was in my early teens. She is a voice that I wish didn't exist. I don't mean to sound hopeless and dark when I say there is no saving Delu, but it is the truth. There is a darkness inside of me that is not an "evil" darkness like Anima, but is a sad, empty and depressed darkness. Delu is depression, pure and simple. She is sadness, emptiness, self hatred, self deprecation, masochism, fear, addiction, pain, self loathing, inner turmoil, unhappiness, pity - specifically self-pity, hopelessness, mental illness, sickness, loneliness, isolation, negativity, and overall someone you will feel sorry for. She's that person you'll look at and think "Oh what a sad case they are, I'm so glad I'm not them… what a pathetic life they must live," and "I'd like to help her but I just can't stand how negative she is…"

Delu is a voice I don't like. She's not someone I would personally like to be around, and this goes the same with all of my other primary voices, except Triad (who is the most tolerant creature in existence). Anima despises her, because she is that part of me he is trying to destroy to strengthen me and make me a stronger person. For this reason most of my voices don't like Delu, and don't like to be around her and her constant negativity and ability to bring darkness and suck everyone around her down into her sadness. Not only that, but the voices I have that are endlessly kind that will give anything to try to save her, like Devon, are kept away from her by the more protective voices like Anima and Neema because Delu will suck their souls dry, not consciously, not maliciously, but just because that's how she is. She's quiet, she's shy, she will not approach you; but should you reach out to her and be in her presence you will feel the sadness, neediness and darkness around her.

Delu is sick. She suffers from Bipolar 1 Disorder, Severe, With Psychotic Features. It's not often, but when Manic enough she has slipped into a Psychosis and woken somewhere unfamiliar, usually on the street in a drugged up haze, having binged on something, usually meth or heroin (and food), and sometimes sex. If Delu never got manic she'd never leave her home, she'd never go near another human being. Because of this, even though Delu is agoraphobic and terrified of humanity, she refused to take medication. Part of her likes her mania, because in it she finds emptiness and an escape from her loneliness and pathetic existence.

Delu also refuses to take medication on principle. Her parents never believed in medication, and that passed onto her. Mental illness is simply weakness. She is a weak, pathetic person who is a waste of space and life and deserves pain. She deserves her misery. She deserves her unhappiness and empty existence. Ironically, she abuses prescription pain/anxiety medication to feel numb and not feel her feelings. Prescription pills quickly led to other drugs, as she built a tolerance to them. So from time to time Delu will binge on harder drugs, primarily heroin, ketamine, or any other heavy sedative or downer. Sometimes, especially when manic, she'll abuse uppers such as cocaine or meth, but given she is prone to seizures and these typically induce them, she usually is manic or severely depressed when she reaches for them.

Not only Bipolar, Delu is severely agoraphobic with severe anxiety in general. She also suffers from a very intense and virulent case of Bulimia Nervosa. Delu is the type of Bulimic that you would think is Anorexic, because more often than not she is starving herself, feeling she doesn't deserve to feel satiated, doesn't deserve to feel the passivities of basic human emotions. She will starve herself to the brink of death, having been hospitalized many times due to malnutrition and dehydration. And at the end of a binge of starvation, when she feels she cannot exist any longer, she will binge and eat everything she can get her little lemur fingers on, and of course, after feeling satiated and not hungry, she will feel sick, disgusting, fat and worthless. That's when you'll find her in the bathroom making herself vomit until she is vomiting blood from nothing being left but bile in her stomach and her nails tearing down her throat.

Delu always feels sick. She is always malnourished, always on edge, always anxious. Along with being mentally ill she struggles from seizures which she refuses to take medication for (she is epileptic), and has severe migraines. Her anxiety manifests physically, and her ears, tail, whiskers, hands, feet, legs - are always twitching. She's always fidgeting with her hair, piercings, fur. She's always picking at her head, creating little scabs on her scalp that she then picks off that then return that creates nothing but a cycle. Same goes for any scab on her body… which are a lot.

Delu is a severe masochist. She is a severe self harmer. (Cutting, burning, bruising). She hates herself and feels she deserves to be punished and deserves to be in pain. She does not hurt herself for relief, she does not hurt herself to feel something else, she does not hurt herself to release endorphins - she hurts herself because she deserves it. She deserves pain. She deserves to suffer in silence. She hides her body in baggy clothing so you can't see her wounds. She never wraps them in bandages, unless they are absolutely horrible…. so her wounds are usually infected, irritated, red and inflamed. She doesn't heal because of her malnourished state, so she scars easily. Her eyes are sunken and red. Her cheeks are sunken. Her collarbones protrude, as do her ribs. She is skin, bones, cuts, blood and bruises.
Delu has attempted suicide so many times I've lost count. But because of her role in my life, because of her role as one of my primary voices, she's cursed to live. She will never die, until the day I do.

She's had two significant others - my character Eva when she was a younger teenager, and Lindsay Campbell's Sariyah when she was an older teenager into her early 20s. She's been alone for over 10 years. As I was saying, most of my voices stay away from her, further showing how alone and pathetic and self pitying she is… but one befriended her when she was a child, and one remains by her side, and that is Triad. They sit in silence together, they hardly ever speak, but they comfort each other.

Delu Nasha means "Child of Rain" in African. Delu is nothing but sadness and tears. I hate who she is and what she represents, but at the same time I pity her and want to fix her, just like I wish I could fix these things in myself. While I have grown healthier in these traits it doesn't change that they were there, will always be there, and will always be something I will have to fight in my life. She is that voice in my ear telling me I am not good enough, I will never be good enough, I should give up, the world would be better off without me, and what's the point at trying, at existing, at living….?

And sometimes I think she's right.

The images featured above of Delu with a bloodshot red eye are from an intense seizure she had that blew out the capillaries and disrupted the nerves in that eye and made her blind. Gravity intervened and ultimately gave her her sight back.

Name: Delu Nasha - "Child of Rain"
Sex: Female
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Age: 27
Birthdate: 04/26/1987
Zodiac Sign: Taurus

Home Planet: Earth
Ethnicity: Malagasy
Born in: Madagascar
Resides: In an apartment alone

Species: Grey Mouse Lemur
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a163/gingerpepp/Gray_Mouse_Lemur4.jpg
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a163/gingerpepp/Grey-mouse-lemur1.jpg
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a163/gingerpepp/greymouselemur5.jpg
Height: 4'9"
Weight: ~ 70-90 pounds
Eye Color: Dark emerald iris, bright green sclera (Bright green ;P )
Fur Color: Warm grey (Around Warm Grey 40-50%)
Markings: Light tan (Prisma color = Cinnamon Toast)
Underbelly: White
Inner ears, paw pads: Pink
Nose Color: Pink
Hair Style: Layered, messy and unkempt
Hair Length: To back of neck and chin length depending on layers
Hair Color (Natural): Dark brown
Hair Color (Current): Violet with darker violet and black streaks
Hair Color (Options): Bright violet, dark purple, all shades of purple with various streaks, black, black with purple streaks, rarely seen with all natural hair color, but is often seen with roots of natural hair color growing out into dyed hair.

Typical Clothing: Baggy clothing that hides her skeletal body. ALMOST ALWAYS IN ALL BLACK Typically wearing baggy black band T-Shirts, favorites including Tool, A Perfect Circle, Jack Off Jill, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, Kidney Thieves, or insert a band you like here. Alternating with long sleeved baggy shirts. If not wearing long sleeves is typically wearing a fishnet shirt or striped stockings underneath her tshirt to hide her arms, or wearing layers. Wears baggy sweatshirts and hoodies. Typically wearing baggy jeans. ALL CLOTHES typically with tears and rips in them, doesn't spend much money for clothes as she lives off her parent's money (they give her a lot as they are very affluent, but you'd never know it, Delu isn't a dressy type of person).
As she's gotten older she's branched out a little. She's not quite as embarrassed of her cuts and scars, or moreso, she just doesn't care about the world anymore and is increasingly numb. Wears tights from time to time, and is sometimes seen in shorts or skirts. Even when wearing pants she almost NEVER wears shoes because of her hand-like feet that she uses as such.
Dress her as a broken doll or hide her like a little goth kid.
Piercings: As with most of my characters I don't have too many set piercings. But her stable piercings are: Multiple piercings in ears, centered lip ring and right eyebrow piercing. Add in whatever else you'd like.
Jewelry: Likes regular body jewelry rings. Spiked/studded/ringed collars, bracelets, etc. Rubber bracelets (think back to being a teenager), Tool pill or wrench necklace, rings, toe rings, colorful bandaids
Tattoos: None
Scars: Everywhere. Has many, many scars all over her body. There is literally no where that isn't scarred, except for her face. There are horizontal and vertical scratches and everything you could think of. She has "Sariyah" written on her from where her and he would write their names in each other, she has stars, crosses, spirals, circles, and other shapes carved into her skin, various words such as "whore," "liar," "worthless," and anything derogatory you could think of. She's a beaten and bruised canvas of self mutilation.

Mother and Father: Love her tremendously but sheltered her just as much growing up. Alcoholics, addicts, control freaks.
Siblings: Only child
Pets: Never allowed to have any living at home, just got a pet Munchkin cat named Lollirot now that she moved into her own apartment (that she never leaves)
Significant Other: None atm, but betrothed to Ophelia
Virgin: No
Past Partners (of significance): Eva and Sariyah
Best Friends: Triad

Education: High School
Drug User?: See above
Smoker?: Yes
Religion: Atheist
Car: No, never leaves the house
Hobbies: Artist, Singer (has a BEAUTIFUL voice though you will probably never hear it), Musician (any instrument, specializes in the Violin), Incredibly intelligent and loves reading and studying

Favorite...
Color: Purple
Food: Nothing
Drink: Tea
Band: Jack Off Jill, Tool, NIN

Themesong(s): "Cold and Ugly"; "Bottom"; "Pushit"; "Ticks and Leeches" by Tool; "The Outsider"; "Pet"; "Orestes" by A Perfect Circle; "Strawberry Gashes"; "Clear Hearts Grey Flowers" by Jack Off Jill; "Somewhat Damaged"; "Hurt" by NIN