I literally said "ouch" upon finishing your story. Hm. I have a lot of critique for this but it's also an older story, so I imagine much of it has been refined over the years; mostly it's just word choice/repetition/usage and grammatical errors. You've displayed a very literal style in this piece, which tends to be hit or miss for me. The flow and painting of actions are paramount to success, and you got there with the last few paragraphs or so. Mostly it's just time and experience that improve these areas, so I'm not going to be too harsh on anything here.

I also kinda get the feeling this is a self-reflection piece in many ways, so I like to think about what the writer themselves experiences while writing such things. At any rate, do post more; Weasyl's writing community could stand some growth.