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Let these walls fall by Stompychu (critique requested)
My newly formed belief system of life, after all that has happened. I am not scarred. I am reborn.
Submission Information
- Views:
- 275
- Comments:
- 5
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- 0
- Rating:
- General
- Category:
- Literary / Poetry / Lyrics
Comments
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I thank you very much for your comment Kalas. Admittedly however, my writing comes directly from the heart and I will improve, it's just very hard to want to analyze what is going on within my heart and heart as I write these things. I dislike analyzing what I write and I just let the heart speak.
However, thank you very much for your appreciated comment in responding to me with these words. :)
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No problem. Poetry is from the heart- But certain forms allow that work to be refined. Like smelting steel; The raw material is there, but the presentation is another step. If you wanted to work within a form, I'd reccommend a syllabic poem or at least something in Blank Verse rather than free verse. Might give you a challenge you'd enjoy. Good luck!
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To be honest, I think I just try more and then people seemingly like my stuff, I wouldn't say my stuff is repetitive though, it kinda just is what I felt inside on that particularly day. :) But meh, all artists are like that somehow.
I just don't really want to touch it. To me, my poetry is like a splash of several colors of paint on a canvas. There is expression there and you don't wanna smudge it. It's not something I'd want to define or examine. But it's something frozen for me in time and you don't wanna draw or touch it again. You just wanna think of that moment you were there. Admittedly, I will improve however, but I don't really want to examine my art until the medium would come to mind. xxx But it will improve, but I just believe in 'Just do it' and don't examine it or try to aim higher. Just let it loose and run free. Go with the flow.
But I will however possibly give those things a try. All I know is my work is from the heart and that's how I plan to keep it. :) To me, it's release, to people, it's something to look at, like all artists work. :0
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I disagree with you, but that's totally fine. We can agree to disagree.
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Kalas
There's a good deal of cliche'd passages in this- I feel you're relying on too many other idioms and statements to express something that is utterly yourself. There is at least two "I've seen this before" passages in each of these stanzas, such as "I have no regrets" and "Because everything came true."
I think to really hit home the change in who you are, you need to not rely on what other people have written and said beforehand. Try looking at the work of Philip Larkin- He's fairly good at avoiding stereotypical speech and getting right down to the points of things in a few stanzas. Look for a work by him titled "This Be The Verse". Hope this helps.