Was going to finish this but lack the inspiration to.

My birthday is June the 12th. I cancelled my birthday party, despite it being an "important" one.

Why did I cancel? For one thing I hate parties, because I'm ignored at every single one I attend, even my own.

I always go to one/have one because there is a sliver of fun I achieve. So not a true reason. The other reason, my friends don't really care.

I mean on the day planned they just want to go and have some fun, so who am I to stop them? My trip to Canada was moved back,

but then there's vacations so really I have to have it early on. So I decided to solve the dilemma by not having one.

Wait, it isn't solved? Oh right. For some reason I have this aching feeling of regret, because I know in my heart that this is a milestone that cannot be missed.

I mean I just want to be a good person and do what's best for them. I don't want to stand in the way of their End Of School celebrations.

But no, I should plan one anyways. Well here are the predicted results. There are a few of my loyal friends that won't hesitate to jump to my side,

but I don't want to drag them into this. It wouldn't be nice.

Back to the nice part, the friends that want to party elsewhere are still my friends. They are still loyal to me, and I still love them.

Which is why I'm letting them do whatever they want to prevent suffering.

...

God I'm so sorry guys. The last thing I want is a pity party... I just needed to get this off my chest.

I feel a little more relieved now. Unfortunately I'm having little decision clarity...

Oh well. I don't have much time but I can try to sort this out... Wish me luck.