Black and Pink by SkyPaint (critique requested)

As a young teenage girl lies on her bed rubbing her finger up and down the cold blade of a knife constantly thinking. "This world is no... Is it simply no no I can't think of it at least I know one thing if I have this I'm calm. And that is all I need it's cold it's always like no. I can't make up my mind... Can you". Holding up a small plushie a plushie of someone that she does not remember. "Who are you who cares." Tossing the plushie towards the wall. "The paint is finally chipping. Strange nothing I'm still here. No one comes... No one is here but me. Should I go outside. No should I stay. No I have my walls and my mattress and it boarded-up window. Do you looking at the blade yes you do. Because you're here with me I like you unlike that plushie". Staring at the plushie I hate that plushie but I don't know who. It is I know it's a person but of who". Day 167. "No there's too many scratches on the wall and floor the count now I feel like an emo drag". I know tomorrow I'll be happy for no reason. why am I to people am I bipolar I hate her do I hate myself oh I just answered my question slowly Cuts Palm no blood". Again Jabs and the pillow am I dead no I can't breathe. "the same black hair same black shirt the same black pants I'm going to sleep."

"I love your art I like the scratches on the floors and walls I feel bubbly today black won't do only if you let me go shopping but no don't let anyone see us if there is anyone". Says was a pouty face. "I'm going to exercise starts doing yoga I don't know how to use or do yoga I forgot. I'll just do 20 push-ups 1 3 4 5 6 20 I am Pete I'm not going to sleep I'm having too much fun hugs the plushie dearly. Glaring at the knife you're the only thing I hate in this world knife". Pointing accusing finger at the blade. Only if you weren't here will be happy we would be two and not one. And getting tired... Passes out to wake up it's still my turn. It's not late why are you here". Staring at the blade in front of her now flicks it away was a happy smile. "Time to paint the wall I don't care what she says it needs color not this drag of a grey or black or emo needs pink. Where's the paint not fair you lock the door I need to find the key hopefully I find it this time instead of passing out." Starts rubbing under the bed covers "not here time to look under" the bed not. Here either "only dust bunnies that is not fair maybe underneath the pillow... As she passes out.

"I'm awake again why couldn't she. No why do I have this thing. Tosses the plushie grabs the knife in a hug. goes towards the door slowly unlocks it and then stops closing the door with a lock. I'm not going it's not time I don't want to lose". Goes back to the bed "why". is back down and tries to force yourself back to sleep. Doing nothing at the time goes by an eventual e she does sleep for the rest of the day until tomorrow.

"I'm awake that was early she should learn not to touch it dangerous tools". Launching it into the wall hugging onto the plushie like if it's the only thing that you can hold. But stupidly she still had the key in her hand and now it's in my hand I'm going to unlock that door going over. To the door unlocking it and Swinging it open. To see a dark hallway no lights are on just her room but the hallway it's black no lights does Dusty old furniture. She walks forward turns down the left hallway. "Strange so this is what the hallway looks like I always wanted to know now I will and I will buy that paint and get pink not just black". As she ends up in the living room to see a strange carpet on the floor all spider the monks the furniture underneath of such a big tapestry all black smells like iron? Weird goes out the front door without a thought to realize the door is locked she needs to find another key but she's running out of time "Why. Do I get tired and more tired everyday it's not fair." As your eyes get droopy. "I need to get back." As she walks past the carpet and through the hallway back into the room but this time hides the key where only she knows unlike her falling onto the bed asleep.

Awakened with a yawn. "why did she hide the key simply." Picking up the pillow grabbing the key. She should know I always know where this is." Tossing the plushie pulling the knife from the wall unlocking the door was no hesitation this time. "Why does she." Walking down the hallway. "It's not its fault it's my fault." Stopping at a dresser in front of the door that the other neglected to look at picking up a photo. Very badly dusty but easily make out a bowl 4 figures two adults and two young children. Putting it down with a "sigh" continuing down the hallway past two rooms and a restroom the restroom door was always left open. Passed a bowl of cat food dry and old into the living room to sit on a couch coated in dry old. "No I don't want to think about." It sits up "She did nothing to it and nothing shall be done." Walks back into the room past everything she looks at sobbing all the while petting the knife more than before to sit on the bed and say. "you full nothing can make this go back and I don't want it to. And it can't nothing can change what happened lies on the bed crying herself to sleep.

"It's my turn I do keep holding this accursed thing". Try the break it was both hands this to cut deep into her own hand as red blood drips onto the blade. She freaks out in Fair frying it towards the wall as it gets stuck in the same hole again. After again she gets up and grabs a plushie. Shaking getting really sleepy real quickly stating I don't... Wa. want to sleep... I want T.. To be awake... I Wan.. Want I wanted... To change but why won't you let... Me falling asleep shaking the littlest amount of time she's ever been awake she knows that it's not fair.

"Oh my what's the plushie on the table". Carrying the knife out the door realizing that she's not even bothering to lock the door anymore to go directly into one of the rooms this time not down the hallway not into the living room. Into her parents room the same iron smell is here but worser than anywhere in the house she stares at the two. Of them under the sheets "I wanted to help you but you gave me no choice I'm f***** up aren't I. No response go figure the dead don't speak that much leaving the room" Staring at the other room the pink Violet door Swiss such beautiful flowers adorning its. I'm never I don't want to go in this room because I know she's just a idiot". Goes into the bathroom curls up into the bathtub. Falling asleep just to wake up to a horrible nightmare. Nick in your head on the faucet. Blood drips from her head she touches her head in pain the looking shocked at our own hand shaking in fear. "I'm not supposed to be able to bleed." She says coldly she just jumps running into the hallway right into the pink room. To realize "I'm the one alive not her... I... No no no it's not true I'm only dreaming." Cuz back into her room is such a rush locking the door without paying attention. To hit her head on the wall knocking her out unconscious to wake up. "I'm not supposed to wake up this time did... She leave I didn't mean it literally. It's your turn it's your turn not my turn it's yours you're supposed to wake up you didn't wake up why didn't you wake up you promised you promised... It's my fault! Falling asleep.

As a little girl is playing wizard tea set sitting at a small table. Happily surrounded with pink and flowers and all different types of toys anything of five-year-old would ever dream to have. To turn and see her big sister. "Hi big sis are you okay". As she walks in with a frown on her face. "Yeah no I'm not." "Are you sure as." You says was worried to realize your sister is still approaching not saying a word as she awakes. "Oh I'm awake it's my turn." shaking nervously holding onto the plushie not realizing the knife in our pocket. Seeing that she woke up and her room this time. "No this isn't my room I would remember I live in the black Grace doll room." She gets up it's on the dresser the key to the front door I need... That goes towards the key to only fall over. Why can't I move... Why can't I feel... Why am I cold... My eyes are heavy... To fall asleep.

"I'm awake again. Why am I... Insane was she I fought from no cuts her own hand again. ignoring the plushie but again blood. if I can I'm sorry no." goes outside the room goes to the front door unlocks it looks outside. to see the night the stars in the sky the full moon overhead. not one person outside saying. Multiple houses everyone's. "Asleep but me if I leave she can't come back. But there's one." thing I can do looking at the cold blade stroking it with one finger. "No I need to." go starts walking forward down the road to bump into. Someone staring back as a full-grown adult male. She does not take the time to look at him as she strikes him down with a blade and run's. "If I can't be happy I'm." Not the Stop and... "Realize what have I done who cares he pissed me off... They're supposed to be no one I was supposed to stay in my room. That nosy brats got us in this mess again and it's my fault.

To reporters outside the scene reporting here tonight on channel 10 news. "A child of fourteen years old stabbed her younger sister and shot both of her parents In Cold Blood. no one knows where she ran off to are the reasons why but if there's anything you can report come and reported to your local the forties." "Yes this is a tragic tragic day for all of us but we must. Remember just could been avoided." "What are you getting at this is just reporting the news." "Fine let's go to the Weber." The end.

Black and Pink (critique requested)


4 August 2017 at 21:21:49 MDT

I decided to make something more mature but I don't know if it's to the point of needing a higher rating. From what I found out a lot of people make Jeff the Killer ripoffs so I decided to make my own version. With two girls the closest Bond so close no one else has the same type of bond. It's my first time writing this type of story so if you have any word of advice I greatly appreciate it.

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Literary / Story