Hold on, I'll be here when it's all done you know

Cause what's the point in chasing if I can't enjoy your face and

We can't be wrong tonight, can we be wrong tonight

Find a way - Safetysuit

I dislike alcohol, and yet I feel like getting so drunk I'll pass out and just sleep instead of over thinking things. I wish the ones I love would stay away from alcohol as well, because it isn't doing them any well. Anyhow, I'm probably going to turn into an alcoholic or something if I don't make these anxieties and depressions go away soon, which will never happen... I can make them easier to bear I know, but I'm going to have to work on that.

I miss one certain person. I miss him a lot and I only want him the best in life. And yet, he fails to understand that and makes assumptions that I am using more of my time on other people than him. I would love to use all the time I have on him, but he is always busy, outdoor or not in the mood. Which makes me really sad. I've certainly tried to talk to him about it and try to fix it, but he did not want to talk, or is too drunk. Which is really sad, and actually makes me outrageous.

But even still, I love him more than he or anyone else understands, and I wish I could do something about this, but I can't.

I almost broke my forehead and knuckles today because I was so mad. I am glad I had a friend to help me calm down, but still. If someone were close to me I am sure I would have broken their jaw or nose. This drinking and way of talking of this one person tonight makes me mad. Mad enough to break stuff. Mad enough to break my own throat screaming.

Its starting to get dark and cold outside. I am always having my heater at max at all times to make sure I am warm, but even still I just can't get the warmt I need. I am always lonely, not having the contact with friends and family as I would want. My family lives many many miles away, and so does my friends. I only have two friends in town, and they are usually busy. Which is sad.

I am probably going to bed now. I'll probably cry myself to sleep again, and have nightmares about dead cats and rape again. Which is no fun, and makes me feel just as tired and beat up as I am feeling now.

Good night, I suppose. I'll try to sleep well, but I can't promise anything.

Skyee is mine.