My pleasure. I also happened to be in the mood to read something, so you had good timing. I do have some critique for you, aside from nitpicky grammatical issues and such. One big, big thing you could do to improve the flow of your writing is to not preface almost every line of dialogue with the subject and a descriptive term. As the flow of dialogue builds up, you don't have to always hold the hand of the reader as to who is talking and how they are talking; the dialogue needs to be able to stand on its own sometimes, and if it's well written it will. It's also visually unappealing; look at the middle of page 2 to mostly the end of page 3: I, He, I, He, I, He, I, The, I, He, I, He, I, He, I, He, I, etc etc. This makes it boring for the eyes, and while you had a good set-up to the conversation, it dulled down your hard work, and there's a lot you could do to change it up.