Through all my episodes, all my cutting, my self-abuse, my torment, and my transitions, say you'll stay because you love me, and you don't feel obligated, say you'll always be the person I can count on, can trust. It was hard to fully let you in, and the fear of losing it all makes it hard to stay that way, but please trust me when I say I'm happy I did. It's hard to express my feelings sometimes, but I know you're always around when I need to vent, as I have been for you. I'm sorry I change, and I'm sorry I just started a huge change. After all this time, I should be over the fear and anxiety, but lately I'm just so aware of your fears about my changes, and it scares me too. I wish I was normal, not a transsexual freak. I'm sorry I lied in the beginning, I'm sorry I couldn't bear losing you because I'm the way I am. I never meant to trick you or make you think I was something I wasn't. I just wanted to relish the fact that you loved me, and lately it's getting harder and harder for me to be okay with myself. I know I've started my transition, but the time can't pass fast enough. I've lost twenty whole years of my life to being physically female, and I just hate my body for it. It's harder and harder not to keep harming myself, but when your arms are around me, the feelings of relapse drift away from my thoughts, and you take me to that soft place only you can provide for me. You're my protector, my mentor, my partner, and as nervous as I am about the fact that there are no guarantees you'll still love me when all this is over, the solace of now is enough to keep me somewhat okay.

Cole and art (C) Sansunari