" The mind can only handle so much from time to time. There are times when you feel helpless and alone. Something happens poorly or might happen, and there is no way to stop it. Events run through your mind about all the possibilities on how this event can get worse. You run down the list of endless worse case scenario. The deeper you roll down that list, the more helpless you feel. You remain in your room, trembling. You feel yourself shiver, your body tensing up and your hands clasp together to try to calm you down. Is it the cold air in your room, or is it just you? You feel like everyone is out to get you, even life itself. You feel nothing more than a victim in this world.

No one to call. No one to see. No one to speak to. You are left alone with your thoughts in the one place on earth that you feel safe in: you room. You try to calm down. You try to take your mind off things by distracting it: video games, music, writing, drawing, books, movies... A mild euphoria. But sometimes they come back later on when you let your guard down or when life itself teases you with imageries that trigger your mind to panic.

Breath in and out. Remain still. Calm down. Meditate. Eat when you need to. Natural healing. There is really nothing much you can really do when you live alone and your friends are miles away. Think happy thoughts. Hug your pillow or stuff animal. Squeeze it. Feel your trembling and fears go into your embraced object. Feel it fill up with your worry, doubt and anxiety. When you are still, relax and physically weak, put it in the washing machine and dryer. Let it get washed. Picture everything that you put in that object being washed away. Once dried, hug it again. That warm feeling from the dryer makes you smile and relax. It works."

Vent art.

Hate being scared © 2011 Alex Cockburn