"What she wanted, I knew she couldn't have. Sonya, my lesbian girlfriend, is a very nurturing woman. She has this motherly nature to her that I rarely see in woman now a days. Whenever we pass by a child in the park or on the train, wherever we wondered, she would always take a moment to make the child smile with silly words or goofy faces. Her face would bright up like the sun whenever she smiled. After she talked about how cute the child was, she would sometimes feel down, wishing to have a child that she could take care of someday. She takes care of me like I'm her 'child', but she wanted something small she could teach and dress up. With our income, we wouldn't be able to afford to take care of a child of our own. Having to pay for the sperm injection, the labor and everything after that, it was a dream that she wishes that would come true.

Christmas was approaching and she was hoping to get a big promotion at work. Sadly, she didn't get it. She told me that if she did get promoted, she would be able to afford to have a child of her own. This event caused her to feel down and to sulk. Even though she smiled at me and said nothing was wrong, I knew that she was depressed on the inside. To have your dreams crushed and shattered like glass by just one negative word from your selfish boss' mouth is terrible. It broke my heart to feel that, to see her try to hide her true feelings and to see her dream shatter so quickly. I was saving up to buy us two tickets to Europe, but I didn't want her to feel down during our getaway. I rushed to a special store ( about 10 miles away ) that I hoped would have something to cheer her up. With the money I saved up, I used it all on something I knew she would love.

Christmas morning. We had bought gifts for each other and unwrapped them next to our small plastic xmas tree. Simple gifts. Nothing expensive. Just the kind that we liked. I knew... I still felt her depression hidden deep under her calm smile. I brought out the small box that contained the gift in which I hoped that it would make her happy. When she opened the small box, her eyes widened and a small surprised gasp left her mouth. A small grey kitten looked up at her with a green ribbon and bow tied to his neck. I watched her picked up the kitten and held it close to her. That feeling of depression within her started to fade away as her eyes started to tear up and a soundless smile upon her muzzle. The kitten looked up at her, pawing at her while making small chirping noises. She was speechless. I placed a kiss upon her cheek and whispered to her:

"I know you wanted to be a mother - to have a child to take care of. I'm sorry that your dream was blown off like that by not getting that promotion. I couldn't stand there and seeing you being so depressed about it, no matter how hard you tried to hide it. I hope that this small kitten, now looking up to it's new mother with those small round eyes, will fill that dream until we someday get the money to allow you to have a child of your very own."

She named the kitten Anthony and called him her special son. From there, I knew that I made her dream came true."

Merry Christmas.

• Nathalie

A Mother to Be / story © 2011 Alex Cockburn