It was a terrible time for Rome. Senator Barackus Obamus had taken over Rome as king, and he wasn't really doing that great a job at it.
In response to this, Donna Gaul had Hermes deliver a letter to Sid Space, some random guy who knew about space stuff and Latin, saying he was to come to her house immediately (and bring friends) for a heroic quest.
Sid Space arrived with Sanjay (a really short guy) and Eric Salmonello (a sort of athletic guy). Although they really didn't look very heroic, Donna Gaul said that Sid Space was their only hope, and that only he could collect the 8 Golden Ablatives necessary to defeat Barackus Obamus. These Ablatives were scattered around Rome but luckily Donna Gaul had a map with their locations which she gave them, but unfortunately whenever you had the map out it would repeat "I'm the map, I'm the map" over and over (so Donna Gaul was glad to get rid of it), as well as a backpack to store the Golden Ablatives in that was not as annoying. The backpack came with some chicken in it with a really deadly version of salmonella in case they got hungry. (Nobody knew it had salmonella)
The group was just getting ready to leave when:
Donna Gaul: "Wait! Sanjay, wanna spoon?"
Donna Gaul: "No really, I have a giant golden spoon that'll be very useful on your quest"
And she gave him the spoon, however, similar to the map it would say "I'm the spoon, I'm the spoon" whenever it was out.
Sid Space: "Come on guys, let's find the first Golden Ablative!"
So they set out on their journey. The first two Ablatives to find were "Sine", which means "without", and "In" which means "in" or "on". They were located somewhere in Puellams Land. The group walked all the way there and then was disappointed to find absolutely nothing but puellams. Just then, Eric spotted a giant castle with a giant billboard next to it that said "Karson Kastle - Home of Sine and In"
The group went by the castle and noticed there was a drive-through for ablatives but they didn't have a car because this is Ancient Rome and cars haven't been invented yet. The front door was locked. There was a mini door which wasn't but Sid and Eric could not get through it because they were too tall.
Sanjay was like, "Guys, the solution's so simple!" and just walked right in the mini door because he's short, and unlocked the big one.
"Helloooooooo", Sid called. Then, a minotaur walked over and was like, "Uh, excuse me, but this is the KARSON KASTLE and only Karson is allowed in. I will have to ask you to leave, kind sir." and he had a big silver fork to rival Sanjay's spoon. (on the handle it had "Karson Fork!!!!" engraved)
Then Sid was like "No, we're here for the Golden Ablatives" but the minotaur was like "You mean Sine and In? Those are Karson's!!!"
Sanjay: "You want a piece of me bro?"
Minotaur: "Bring it on!!"
So Sanjay and the minotaur got in a fight! However, the minotaur was more used to aiming at taller things and he was never able to hit Sanjay with his Karson Fork! Sanjay on the other hand was somehow an expert at aiming from all his months of throwing things at Josh in his Latin class and he easily knocked the minotaur out with his gold spoon! Sanjay started to run after, "Come on, guys!!!! Before he wakes up!!"
So they all ran away through the Kastle until they heard a voice shouting "STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!" - It was Karson York!
Sid: "Uh, Karson, can we have your Ablatives????"
Karson: "Absolutely not!!!"
Sid: "Please? We're on a quest from Donna Gaul to collect all the Golden Ablatives so we can defeat Barackus Obamus"
Karson: "I hate Barackus Obamus!!! He ruined Rome. Sure, you can have my Ablatives"
and he handed Sid his Sine and In which he then put in his backpack.
Karson: "Zeus doesn't like Barackus Obamus either. I'll tell him so the gods can help you on your journey!"
The group thanked him and left. Eric asked where the next Ablative was, so they checked the map.
De and Sub were apparently in 24Land, so they went there. In 24Land there were lots of chariot races going on all the time and the most famous chariot racer in 24Land was named Jeff Gordon. The map said he had De and Sub, so Sid, Eric, and Sanjay went to see him.
Sid: "Jeff, can we have your ablatives? We need them to defeat Barackus Obamus"
Jeff laughed, "Sure... if this Salmonello kid defeat me in a chariot race, except he has to race me on foot."
Eric: "You're on!"
Sid: "Are you crazy? There's no way you can run faster than Jeff on a chariot!"
Right before the race, though, Hermes appeared and walked over to Eric.
Hermes: "Psst, Eric, you can borrow these!" and he gave Eric his winged sandals that he used for running really fast.
The race started, and Jeff's chariot was really fast, but Eric was twice as fast due to the sandals!
Eric quickly won the race! Jeff was shocked.
Jeff: "I'm the best racer though! How did I lose??? Well, I guess you earned these Ablatives"
and Jeff gave Sid his De and Sub, which went in his backpack. Eric gave Hermes back his stuff.
(De means "about" or "down from", and Sub means "under")
The group left 24Land and checked the map again, and next up was Pro and Ab, which were in _____land.
However on the way there they were captured by a cyclops and taken to his house!
Sid: "Please let us go!!"
Cyclops: "No way!!!!"
Eric looked in the bag of Ablatives and found some chicken and was just about to eat it until the cyclops took it from him, who ate it.
Cyclops: "I don't feel so good!!!!" and the cyclops was all sick from eating the salmonella chicken.
Eric and Sid started to sneak out but then the cyclops noticed and tried to go after them but Sanjay went and knocked the weak cyclops out with his golden spoon and everyone ran out and continued on to ______land.
There they didn't see anything at all!!!
Suddenly Hermes appeared and handed them a letter and ran off.
The letter was from Donna Gaul and said "Good work on getting the first four Golden Ablatives! There's this kid who keeps stalking me named Brandon!!!! Barackus Obamus probably sent him as a spy or something. Oh, and I made a mistake on the map. It's not ______land, you're supposed to go to Nerdland! I don't know who exactly has the next two ablatives but I hear he's really smart!!!"
Luckily Nerdland was right next to ______land so it didn't take very long to get there. There were nerds everywhere and all the buildings had numbers and equations and math problems painted on them. The group saw some guy selling blueberries on the street, and Sid asked him where he might find a really smart guy. He pointed out a guy in the crowd named Juan Blanco, wearing a wizard hat (he was a math wiz!) and holding a test from his geometry class where he scored 125%. Sid went over to talk to him.
Sid: "Excuse me, Juan, do you have the ablatives Pro and Ab?"
Juan: "Why yes I do! You can have them if you can finish a worksheet."
He gave Sid the worksheet. It was really hard, so he called on Athena for help, who was really smart. Athena and Sid finished and handed the worksheet back.
Juan: "Wow, nobody's ever been able to complete that worksheet before!!!"
Juan then gave them Pro and Ab, which went in the backpack, and Athena left.
(Pro means "for", and Ab means "away from")
Sanjay: "Yeah, about time you actually did some work!!!"
Sid: "I've been holding the map and backpack all day!"
Sanjay: "That takes barely any effort though. Come on, where's the last two ablatives?"
Sid checked the map, and apparently the ablatives were at "BrandonLand". Did this have anything to do with that Brandon kid who was stalking Donna Gaul!??
The group went to BrandonLand! It was a really wacky place, with statues of Brandon, and almost every building and street was named after Brandon or things he liked. Finally they went in a really fancy restaurant that named "Le Facio Panis" where they only sold bread, but it was really fancy bread. This was Brandon's favorite place to eat. In there, they found Brandon!
Sid: "I thought you were stalking Donna Gaul!!!"
Brandon: "I was, but then I took a picture of her house and the cops put me here!"
Sid: "Anyway, dude do you have the last two ablatives?"
Brandon: "Sure do!"
Sid: "Can I have them?"
Brandon: "No way!!! Unless..."
Sid: "Please tell me I don't have to do yet another challenge"
Brandon: "Make the coolest bread ever!!!!"
Sid sighed and called over Hestia to help, who was apparently good at making bread, and Demeter brought in the best wheat ever.
It took like 15 minutes but they made the awesomest bread ever, and after Brandon took a bite he instantly gave over Cum and Ex, which went in the backpack.
(Cum means "with", and Ex means "out from")
Brandon: "Sid, you do know if you put together the first letters of all the ablatives you got, it spells SID SPACE, right???"
Sid: "Holy crap I didn't know that!!!!"
Brandon: "Dude, why are you wasting your time? Go to the White House and defeat Barackus Obamus!!!"
Sid and the group went to the White House where Barackus Obamus was said to rule, and Barackus Obamus rushed out of the house with a guard to stop them, but before they could, Sanjay knocked the guard out with his spoon and Sid put all the ablatives together, resulting in a single golden SID SPACE, and he held it up. Suddenly, through the power of the ablatives, a giant peach fell out of the sky and fell on Barackus Obamus, and it was clear he could not be the king of Rome anymore.
Everyone congratulated Sid and he was made the new king of Rome, who then promptly started a space program!
But since it was ancient Rome and they didn't have astronauts it was simply about learning about space with telescopes and stuff.
This was my end-of-the-year project for Latin 1. The teacher said I couldn't put Jon Mahon in it.